


Rocket Man

by Slothbeans



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Adopted Peter, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blind Character, Blind Peter Parker, Disability, Irondad, Love, Natasha is spidermom, Pepper Potts is his adopted loving mom, Peppermom, Peter Parker is Tony Stark's Biological Child, Pre-Spider-Man: Homecoming, Service Dogs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-18
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2019-10-12 02:05:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 39,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17458541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slothbeans/pseuds/Slothbeans
Summary: An Family-Inspired MCU Alternate Universe with lots of Irondad and PeppermomTony Stark has to face the realities of his own distant past when he finds himself caring for his new son, Peter Parker. Unsure if he can face the scars built from his own father and past, he locks himself away to pursue a career of heroism. Meanwhile, Pepper Potts adopts the boy and raises him as her own.Early chapters focus on the family building aspect of the story. Later chapters will catch up to the MCU a bit as Peter becomes Spider-man in a whole new way.





	1. The Adoption

 

 

This story revolves around one man and the family he builds from nothing. A world similar to the one you may know, but with one little puzzle piece changed and a never-ending spiral of butterfly effects that change everything around him.

Tony Stark - scared and alone - in a grueling world that has only ever pushed him deeper towards the depths of his pain and suffering. Raised in a world of negligence and fear, closed into himself from a childhood that was never really his, to begin with.

A man soon to be tormented by his past crashing in around him, but with the chance to grow from the ashes and reform into the hero he could always be - his only chance to truly become something great.

His only comfort, the woman that keeps him in check. The woman that saves him from the mess he's created. The woman he so desperately desires that he never makes a move - he can't afford to lose her - but will fervently continue to protect from all harm — the only one he can trust.

It's her heart and soul that keeps Stark Industries running, unconcerned for the lack of credit she receives in return. Because behind every great man, is an even greater woman. She's the one with the great ideas and heart of gold. It's her true never-ending passion and love for his family that keeps Tony working towards a brighter future.

And it's her attitude that keeps him on the right path despite his bachelor lifestyle. It's her stubbornness rooted in love that prevents him from missing out on life. Because out of all the times she promised she'd be there for Tony Stark, this is the one time she fights back.

_Pepper Potts._

And then there's the bright little man that was created from a miracle.

Tony Stark had never wanted kids. His own fucked up childhood had been enough to convince him of that. Children were work. And if his parents couldn't handle the pressure, how could a failure like him ever figure it out?

But the one little fluke changes everything. Something fails and in the process creates something more substantial and more wondrous than ever before. Life is created. Beauty is created.

_Peter Parker is created._

And at that moment everything changes for Tony Stark. He can no longer wallow in his misery, drowning in a never-ending supply of alcohol and beautiful women. He needs to face the mess he's made because there's only one way for this to end. And it isn't right.

Peter doesn't need Tony Stark. Peter Parker needs a family that will be there for him and loves him as he grows. He needs a support system for the horrendous unforeseeable future that faces him. Only then can Tony Stark and Peter Parker truly be at peace.

A ragtag group of lost souls that find hope in one another and unexpected love in the tiniest of places. A family formed from nothing. A need for love.

The story starts in the same place you'd expect, the same origin story of a man of iron, destined to take control someday and lead a movement of supers. It starts with one man who is only a mortal with potentially universal intelligence, but too stupid to see past his traumas of experience — a man named Tony Stark.

And while he has the potential to grow into the world's first protector, he isn't quite there yet. There's something all too disgusting and reckless about him, but necessary nonetheless, because it gives the man a chance to spread his genes and ignite the spark needed.

A simple one night stand that plants the seed for something better - something more to grow. Something new and beautiful. Something different from everything he's ever known before.

It's Peter. The man created a boy by the name of Peter Parker. And it somehow becomes the most magnificent thing he's ever had a hand in creating. (And he did it by mistake.)

No one's sure how it happened. Tony Stark wasn't supposed to be fertile. It was something that could have been avoided entirely. Not even the doctors can explain the strange phenomenon of the boy's birth.

But, the small event has the impact of changing the entire universe forever. Things shift in this world. Because now everything is different. Nothing will ever be the same.

And in that singular universe shifting moment, Tony becomes a father.

He has no idea that it's even happened yet. He hasn't a single clue that his life has so dramatically changed for the better. He leaves a business card with not enough information for her to ever find him on her bedside as sneaks out of the hotel as nothing has changed. (Because for him, nothing has changed. Nothing ever changes after his one night stands.)

It changes her world though. She's acutely aware of what happened the night before, but it's made blatantly clear by the business card that he doesn't want to be contacted further. He owes her nothing. And she quickly decides that she owes him nothing either.

She's not even acutely aware that she's pregnant until months later when she realizes how late her usually uneven cycle has become. She's ashamed and unsure of herself but decides she can care for this baby. She can give him a home.

She doesn't contact him. He doesn't deserve any of her time. He made it clear that he wasn't interested in anything else but sex from her. And she's already decided she owes him nothing. He doesn't even deserve to know this child exists.

His money would be nice, she'd be entitled to child support at the least, but she wonders if the action is worth it. By involving the man that wronged her, she's signing up her son for a life of media attention and custody battles. It isn't worth it. Instead, she takes care of the baby alone, and she struggles to keep them both fed.

She names the baby Peter Parker after her late grandfather who she never stops thinking about. They share the same bouncy brown locks. He has deep brown eyes and the most innocent smile she's ever witnessed before. He's smart and ahead of all of his peers and speaks his first word at eight months. She loves him so much it hurts.

And then she dies. And no one knows how or when. No one cares that much or notices when she doesn't come to work that night. It isn't essential to the story.

Only it leaves the State with a last-minute whisper of the father's last name in between final dying breaths. It leaves a lost baby crying for his mom with no hope ever to be held by her again. It leaves a partly orphaned child with little hope of succeeding in life in a completely fucked up system. It leaves so many people lost - including a little Peter Parker.

And that's where our story truly begins.

* * *

 

Tony Stark doesn't answer phone calls. He doesn't need to. He has people for that.

All he does in response is turn up the volume of the music in his lab. It continues to ring over and over, but he's too thick in his latest weapon schematics to notice. He needs all his focus if he's going to make this next prototype worthy of his father's legacy.

He's too busy in his own headspace to realize the time or the intensity of the repeated calling. Whoever is on the other side of the line is desperate. It's a desperate act at three in the morning that he shouldn't ignore.

All he can do is continue to work. He ignores the phone as it rings over and over again, the blasting of the music just loud enough so that he can only feel the slight vibrations as his phone glides along the workstation. Whatever the nonsense is can wait until tomorrow when he's finished. What he's doing right now feels much more important.

He's arms deep in grease and a new invention and hasn't slept in at least thirty-six hours. He's arrogant in his latest creation, so close to cracking the one problem that he dangerously needs to overcome. And he isn't about to break his concentration on something so unimportant to him.

Eventually, the calls stop and he can resume his work. He leaves the music blasting anyway. It calms him as he works.

He's not sure how long he gets to work in peace, but Pepper finally comes to interrupt him with an urgent matter. He doesn't hear the stepping of her high heels approaching until it's too late. She's already entered his lab and manually override the music so she can be heard.

A growl escapes from his throat as he looks up at her to demand what is so important. She's in his haven that he prefers to keep empty, and he wishes she'd respect those boundaries, but when he looks up the anger quickly drains from his body. He can't snap at her that way. She's too good. Too perfect. His tough persona melts every time he sees her eyes.

"Tony, why haven't you been answering my calls? I've been trying to get a hold of you all night," she tells him as she rounds the large workstation, a tablet in her hands as she scrolls through some critical documents. Her tone is firm and direct, but professional all the same. The same Pepper he's always known.

"I've been busy," Tony retorts, though he's unsure how to explain the new surge within him at this very moment, how he has to push to create something that will impress the father he never had. The drive is so strong that he can barely close his eyes as he lays in bed at night. The man needs to invent right now. He can't stop until he's finished. It's the only thing pushing him anymore.

Pepper doesn't push the matter further. She can see it in his eyes, even if he refuses to admit it. He's tired, and this isn't the time to urge him to rest. He won't listen.

But she also doesn't forget the reason she's here. The reason she's been calling Tony for hours until she finally gives in, getting dressed and visiting him at four in the morning.

"Someone from the New York Department of Child and Family Services has been trying to get in contact with you all night. I'm not sure what it's about, but I told them I'd reach out to you."

Tony only nods to himself as he tightens a bolt on his newest weapon. Honestly, he isn't even fully listening to the conversation between him and Pepper. She already has the full power to take care of the problem and Tony will blindly look to her judgment no matter what she chooses. He trusts her completely with his company. Him being CEO is just a paper title at this point.

"I spoke to them for over an hour as I tried to get a hold of you. It seemed really urgent," Pepper continues as she taps her fingernails against his workbench in an attempt to distract him from his work. When that doesn't work, and the room stays quiet, she switches to tapping her stylus to the tablet instead, unsure of how to bring up the news. There's nothing else for her to do. The action gives her a breath of normality against her otherwise racing heart.

Tony can't help but notice her uncertainty. She's usually so sure in her actions and words that Tony can't help but feel impressed. It is unlike her to hesitate, and it immediately draws his attention, though he does his best to act like he doesn't care.

"Let me guess? Another momma looking for baby money?" he laughs at his own joke, though Pepper finds herself less entertained with how many times this has happened in the past. It's been a while, but she can remember when this scam actually used to worry Tony. There's a long line of women that he's defiled with his bachelor lifestyle.

"The mother is dead, Tony. She was found stabbed in an alleyway last night and passed away this morning as they tried to help her. She didn't even make it to the hospital," Pepper reported somberly. The details from the phone call still muddied her thoughts. It had sounded like a very avoidable tragic accident.

"Oh," he replies, now a bit more careful of his tone. He'd had more jokes lined up, but they suddenly seem inappropriate, even for him. "I still don't understand what that has to do with me, Pepper. Why are they bothering me about some drunk driving incident?"

"She died clutching a one-year-old in her arms. Apparently, it was her child. He'd somehow avoided the worst of the crash. And on the way to the hospital, she whispered to the ambulance drivers his only living kin. She claims that you fathered him."

Tony stops completely. He's frozen as the tool slides from his panicked, unsure hand. It bounces off the ground with a loud bang, but all he can hear is the blood pounding in his ears.

He seems frozen in his own time, unsure of how this is even possible. It can't be possible. He got snipped years ago. He's visited clinics so many times since the discovery. He isn't supposed to be fertile anymore.

He's flashing through his own childhood. It feels hot, red and angry. The same rage pulses through him that only his father's neglect brought on. The same hatred that reminds him that he can never do the same as his father did to him.

All he can do is hastily murmur out that he has no son.

"Mary Parker seemed to think otherwise," Pepper replies.

His head is pounding. All he can do is throw back his glass of rum that he prepared earlier. It's warm, but it has to do something to clear his head. He has to figure out this puzzle.

Who even is this Mary Parker? When did he meet her? Is she using him for child support? Is this some cruel joke? He doesn't remember ever having a one night stand with anyone by that name, though he knows he's usually too drunk to listen. And he usually doesn't care for the name of the women he's sleeping with. He should, but he doesn't.

Tony huffs through his nose. He can't deal with this right now. He's not ready to deal with the implications of his actions. He can feel his heart tightening in his chest as he's pulled back into his own baren fearful childhood that he's tried so hard to escape. The emotions are too overwhelming, and he doesn't have enough booze in his system to deal with the pain he knows is coming.

"Send in a sample so that we can get this sorted out and cleared off the record. We both know that this isn't even possible," Tony demands. He's barely even able to look up from where his hands grip the table. "I can't have kids. Not anymore."

"Already done," she says as she taps a few buttons on her tablet. "I've sent a sample to a private lab to be analyzed at your expense. The results should be in tonight."

"Good," he replies, nodding to himself. "The sooner this is over, the quicker I can get on with my life. I have work to do," he says in hopes of dismissing the conversation entirely. This isn't possible. He doesn't understand why it's this much of an issue.

"And what if he is your child? What happens to him then?" she asks quietly. She's already invested in the fate of the boy, already attached to the baby she's heard so much about, even if it was only a single phone call as she hastily searched for clues.

She already feels like she knows Peter Parker. She feels something strong drawing herself towards the half-orphaned child. She can feel herself being bonded to him.

_"He's got deep brown eyes unlike any I've ever seen before."_

_"His hairs long and curled and brown and dances with his movements."_

_"He's brilliant for his age. He already can walk and knows so many words that we can barely get him to stop talking. He's practically teaching us at this point."_

_"He never stops moving. He's always exploring."_

_"He's weird sometimes. All the toys here and we found him playing with a spider in the corner."_

_"He loves everyone."_

Tony doesn't hear. If he does, he doesn't say anything in response. He sits in the dark lab with his face in his hands, more unsure of himself than ever before.

Eventually, Pepper gives up and leaves. She's not getting any more words out of him this morning. She knows he's lost, but there's nothing more she can do for him this morning.

Only once Tony's sure that he's completely alone, does he allow the tears to trail down his face. He cries out all the loneliness and pain left in his chest. He cries until he's completely empty.

* * *

 

It's six o'clock in the evening.

Tony sits in his living room with a drink in his hand, the most robust scotch that his money can buy. It claws at his throat as he pours it down his throat, but the strength of the drink is just an all too painful reminder that he isn't as strong as he needs to be. He embraces the burning sensation as it smooths its way down his throat, as long as it brings tingly numbness that will rest his tense muscles.

He's sitting hunched over in a large luxury chair with Pepper Potts on stand nearby, together patiently waiting for the results of the tests. It's felt like weeks have gone by since Pepper sent the samples to the lab, but lack of sleep has only stretched the single day, warping it into one the most extended stressful periods that Tony's ever experienced before.

Tony is unsure of his future, even more so than usual. He knows this is a ruse, a trick that's he's been playing straight into by entertaining the idea of having his own offspring. But something deep down is hopeful, something so far gone that he can't help but believe the trick may turn out to be true. It wouldn't be less painful, but it'd be a lot easier.

Pepper doesn't know how to feel. She's torn between her own developing feelings and the loyalty she's demonstrated for her boss for so long. What will happen to this boy when all this is over? Where will he end up?

She's talked to the caseworker twice now. She's heard Peter's voice giggling along in the background. Her heartstrings tug towards the boy who's now alone in the world, with no family to rely on. It takes her back to her own past where she spent days in a foster home, wondering if any visiting guests would ever find her worthy of a spot in their home. She tries not to dwell in the past, but it doesn't feel good to think about.

She also knows it isn't her place to say anything. This isn't her battle. This is Tony's decision alone, no matter how wrong she thinks she is to abandon this child in need. Instead, she sits quietly as she refreshes her email over and over waiting for the results of the test.

Finally her phone dings and Tony raises his head expectantly. Pepper carefully opens the email, her hands tender as if she can rip the theoretical envelope where the news resides. Her heart beats in her chest as she skims the contents. It only takes her a few moments to scan through the results for him.

"Tony, the tests are positive. He's your son," she finally whispers to the room.

Tony shakes his head. It can't be right. This isn't true. It isn't possible. This isn't supposed to be possible. He can't accept these results. Something must be wrong.

He's upset in so many ways. The alcohol in his system does nothing to calm his rage. He feels like vomiting but squeezes his fists instead. He needs to punch something, but he can't afford to lose his cool with Pepper so close - she deserves better.

"It was a complete match. There's no doubt he's your boy, Tony. Isn't that great?"

"I can't keep him, Pepper. You know that right?" he asks her, his voice terrified.

The room is quiet. Painfully silent. Pepper can feel her heart breaking in her chest but pushes it deep down where her boss can't see. She needs to stay strong right now. She can't afford to break down alongside Tony, no matter how much she's yearning to do so.

Pepper doesn't understand. She'd thought this would be what he always wanted. He had been devastated when he'd been declared infertile. It'd sent him on a four-month bender that nearly ended in his death.

_"There will never be a proper heir to Stark Industries. When I'm done, this will all be for nothing. The suffering will be over for the Stark Legacy."_

This should have been great news. The universe was practically dropping a child into his lap.

But she can't see how terrified he actually is inside. She doesn't know that the infertility was purposeful in a desperate attempt to stop the cycle of abuse. She doesn't know that binder was him grieving the chance of ever being happy again, but also a celebration to a new peaceful era.

She can't even see how much scotch he's actually drunk tonight. It's the only thing keeping him from retching his stomach contents all over the floor, his past traumas swirling beneath his skin. It's the only thing keeping him under control.

"Why not?" she asks quietly, though she's already aware of the answer. She could never convince Tony to go through that type of pain again.

"Are you kidding me, Pepper?" he asks in response, his words slurring a bit at the end. "I can barely take care of myself, let alone a child."

"But he'll end up in foster care, Tony. He'll have no chance in this world. He'll be unloved and abandoned with no one there for him." Tears are forming in the brims of her eyes, but she holds back the sobs that fight through her chest.

Tony takes another chug of his drink and ends up downing the entire contents of the glass. It's the only way he can sooth the tugging in his chest and get his next words out.

"I'm sorry Pepper. There isn't much else I can do. I'll leave him a trust, some money for his future when he turns eighteen, but he's going to have to go into someone else's custody. I can't take care of him."

"He doesn't need money, Tony. He needs a family…"

Tony shakes his head. He can't do it. He can't be the family this boy needs.

"I can…" she says. The words flow out with no chance of her stopping them, but it's true. She means every word she says. "I can take care of him."

"Pepper. You can't raise him. You aren't his mother. His mother is dead," his words are harsh from his drinking, but it doesn't matter to her. It doesn't change that she wants to be there for him when no one else can.

When she doesn't reply, he continues. "I don't expect that of you. You already do so much for me. You aren't my nanny too."

The room is quiet. Pepper doesn't like fighting with her boss, but she has to say something. She can't let him pass up his only chance at a son. She can't let Peter's only chance at a happy home life slip away. She hasn't even met the boy, but she needs to keep him safe.

"Do you trust me?" she finally asks.

"You are the only one I trust in this whole company," he admits. "You know that."

"Then let me adopt him. Let me be his mother."

Pepper can feel her heart beating away in her chest. She can barely hear the room around her as it pounds in her ears, but she does hear his words anymore. His voice is unmistakable as he says the one thing she isn't prepared for.

"No."

* * *

 

Pepper follows her boss into the dreaded office building where the boy will be signed away forever. She keeps her eyes to the floor as she opens the door for Tony, still unable to muster the words to speak to him again. She knows if he didn't need to sign paperwork to surrender custody of Peter, he wouldn't even be here right now. It angers her to even think about.

Tony Stark sits down in a public cubicle as the caseworker begins explaining the paperwork in greater detail to him and walks him through the intensity of his decision. There's a significant emphasis on how permanent the decision is if he decides to sign.

Pepper can barely stand to listen to the words the two men are discussing and finds herself wandering away as she fights back the tears. She can't let Tony see her like this.

She's not sure why she's so attached to Peter Parker without ever seeing him.

Possibly something in her own upbringing and the way her adopted parents loved her so much, at least they did once they found her at the ripe age of seven years old. The first seven years of her life had been a monstrous hell she could barely muster the courage to think about.

Or maybe it's the idea that Tony is signing away his only chance to be a dad. Perhaps she just can't stand to see an innocent child get hurt when she can do something about it.

No matter the reason, she has to admit the effect this decision is having on her. Her heart is breaking into bits of sand that won't ever be the same again.

And then something pulls her attention. Nearby laughter. Not just any laugh, but the laughter of a very young child. It draws her towards it like two magnets fighting to stay together, forcing her towards it like destiny, like it was written in her tapestry by the gods themselves.

She rounds a corner quickly and finds a young Peter sitting at a small child sized desk with a puzzle that just won't seem to go together. She's unsure if all the pieces are even from the same set, but he laughs anyway as he tosses a piece at the social worker across from him.

The laugh works its way quickly through her heart, and she feels her face soften. She can't help but find herself laughing too. The boy's energy is contagious.

Peter turns his head towards her laughter, and his face brightens instantly. She can't help but notice that he does has a full head of floppy brown hair, just like the caseworker described, and the deep brown eyes he possesses. She sees it instantly. He looks so much like his dad.

The boy pushes himself from his chair and crawls over to Pepper. He's speedy for such a little guy. Just like his father when he's on a mission.

He reaches his arms up and calls out for his mommy. Pepper can't resist lifting him into arms and holding him close, though she hasn't yet realized that Peter was calling her mommy. She doesn't recognize the resemblance, though she can't help but think about how perfectly they fit together as he nuzzles his head against her neck. They're perfect for each other.

He even purrs in satisfaction.

Pepper can't. She just can't leave him here. He's all alone, and he needs her.

_He belongs with her._

She rushes around the corner, still holding Peter tightly in her arms, and finds Tony about to sign the final piece of paperwork. One signature and Peter's lost into a careless system, unable to ever be saved or returned to them. One more initial and he's gone forever.

"Tony," she shouts at him before it's too late. Peter flinches a bit from the noise, but she sticks her hand in his hair to comfort him. She hums to him gently, and he relaxes into her once more.

Tony turns his attention across the room, unsuspecting of the bundle of joy she's holding so close to her body. He sees Peter for the first time.

His heart skips a beat as he sees himself holding onto his own mother, the only bit of family he was ever close to. The only person he could ever rely on. It leaves him stunned long enough for Pepper to beg him one last time.

"Please, don't do this," she begs, running her fingers through Peter's hair. "You don't have to do this alone. We can figure this out. We can be his family" Tears stream down her face as she cries all the emotions she's been holding back.

She knows she has no say in the matter. She has no legal protection if Tony doesn't agree. She would have no way to adopt this boy without Tony's help. This could be the last time she ever sees Peter, the last time she holds him close in her arms.

The room is quiet. Painfully so. No one dares to talk, even if Pepper knows she's spoken out of line and pushed it too far this time. This wasn't her decision to make.

Tony shakes his head, and her heart starts to break. She can feel it splitting into two, and she holds onto Peter tighter than she ever should, her maternal bonds screaming to keep him safe.

She's not sure if she'll fight and scream when they take him away. She doesn't want to. It isn't like her, but every instinct in her body is telling her to protect the boy. To keep him safe.

And then Tony speaks.

"Alright. You win. We can take him home."

The office seems to resume at his words. The social worker switches out the paperwork for custody forms that agree Tony Stark will be responsible for Peter Parker. The child's well being will be his solely his responsibility in a court of law.

He signs the papers willingly, keeping his eye on Pepper the whole time as she rocks Peter in her arms. He seems stressed, but there's a fondness in his eyes that wasn't there before.

Pepper knows she should be listing out things they'll need to order on the way home. Items to be delivered to the house to care for Peter, but she can't focus just yet. She just needs to remember this moment forever.

She's too busy staring into Peter's eyes. His deep brown beautiful eyes that remind her so much of the man she loves. The eyes of Tony Stark.


	2. Parenting Pains

 

 

Peter Parker became a media sensation overnight. A national sensation that was the only thing anyone talked about.

 _"Billionaire's Big Mistake,"_ the tabloid magazine reads. The font's so large no one could miss it. Pepper sure doesn't. She can barely believe her eyes as she sees the article when shopping with Peter on her hip the next morning. He's innocent as he sits in the small shopping cart and bites on a stuffed spider she's just picked out to match the red and blue color scheme of the room she's designing in her mind. No one seems to blink twice as they check out with the items. The cashier even compliments how cute they are together.

She needs to remind herself the media was never after Peter. They don't care how they affect the young child or how the lies they create may one day hurt the boy. All they care about is Tony. She was used to bad publicity, but they seemed to be taking it too far this time. She knew this was too much for the family to ignore.

They can accuse Tony of being reckless and dangerous all they wanted. She's already used to the bad publicity the man tends to create for himself. He's done so many things before that change the world's view of him. As if the weapon dealings weren't already enough to scare the world, the man seems to leave a trail of upset women trailing behind him. And that's never been a problem until now.

They could accuse Tony of being an asshole. They could accuse Pepper of being a slut that slept through the ranks of Stark Industries. The one thing they couldn't do was attack her son. She would no longer stand for the slander.

Because when they attacked Peter, when they claim he's a mistake made only by Tony's lust and greed, it breaks her heart. She has to hold him close as the article brings out anger that she's never made before. They've gone too far in their attempts at making a pretty penny. Peter can never see this. He can never feel like a mistake. Pepper thinks Peter's anything but. He's a beautiful child and she has to do all she can to protect him. She can't let anyone ever hurt him this way.

Pepper's whole world changes when Peter comes into her life. She suddenly feels full and complete. Like a gap in her heart had been filled by him. She had never felt like she was missing anything there before, but there's something suddenly changing that she doesn't have the words to describe. An immediate unbreakable bond between mother and son. An undying love for her bouncing baby boy.

When Pepper leaves the store, and that horrible magazine behind she makes a promise to herself. No matter what happens, no matter what challenges are thrown at her little makeshift family, she will always be there for Peter. She will still be there to wipe his tears, to defend his honor against bullies, and to keep him safe from harm. They will face life together.

Tony Stark becomes a parent overnight too, though at first, his interactions with Peter are scarce at best. He wants to be there for his son, he wants to be everything that his father wasn't, but he doesn't know how. Every time Tony looks into Peter's eyes, waves of hopelessness seem to wash through him. He can feel his shitty childhood rushing through the gates that he was previously sure were locked forever. Tony feels even more broken than before. He isn't ready to face those fears yet. So instead, Tony locks himself deep in his lab, shameful for being no better than his father before him.

He's scared. And helpless. The most he can hope to accomplish is doing less damage to his own son than his father. He knows he isn't ready to raise a child. No one ever is. But the thought of Peter rotting away in some government-run foster home is almost too much for the man to muster. It pains his heart to bear what could have been.

This isn't the boy's problem. This is Tony's mistake. Peter shouldn't have to suffer because of a bad decision Tony Stark made.

And Tony isn't alone. He has Pepper to care for his son. He's overly thankful for Pepper for what she did in that building, for not standing down when it came to taking care of this mess. He's not sure what he'd do without Pepper in his life. She's always there to take care of him, to pick up the messy pieces that are the jigsaw puzzle of his life. And now she's here for Peter as well.

Maybe they can make this work. Perhaps then the trio can indeed become a family. 

* * *

 

Life changes in Stark Tower with baby Peter running up and down the halls. Pepper swears he never stops moving. She's always on her toes as he runs down the large penthouse suite doing her best to make sure he's safe and sound. She's anxious whenever she can't see him nearby. He turns out to be a little trouble maker sometimes, but she loves him nonetheless. She can't help it. His laughter is contagious. She wouldn't have it any other way.

She makes the adult decision to step down from being Tony's assistant which comes as a shock to most of the company. Many had been betting she would become the heir to the company as rumors that the relationship between the two had been blossoming behind closed doors. Pepper ignored most these rumors, though the image of them suddenly adopting a child together didn't help to cool the flames. She doesn't care what a bunch of board members think anyways since she knows where her priorities now lie. Taking care of her new son is the right move for her.

Tony complains. He doesn't like finding someone to replace her. Pepper was perfect, but she tells him that he'll have to make due. He can run the company himself or find someone who can assist him like she used to. He can always find a new assistant. Peter can't possibly find a new mother figure.

Pepper moves in to remain close to her new family. She's always rejected Tony's luxurious lifestyle before and finds herself laughing as she walks into a giant master bedroom suite designed for her. The bed is so large that it could fit them both, but she knows this is her room alone. When he brings up the idea of them sleeping in the same place, she'd brush him off with an excuse about the baby crying during the night. She needs her own space for now.

She fills her room with all the things that make her happy. She's brought a few pictures from home, a stuffed animal from her own childhood, and some of the fancy gowns she's worn to Stark events in the past. The corner also has a crib for Peter, even though the boy already has his own special room too, but having a space for him so close makes her feel safe. Here she can be herself without Tony's influence. It's a place to build her future as she sees fit, a place to rest after long nights of childcare, and finally, a place to retreat when things become rough.

She often finds herself thinking about Tony while Peter sleeps in the corner of her room, pondering how the new situation and the implications it creates in their already complicated relationship. Her bed in Stark tower is exceptionally vast and empty, even if she did have someone to share the space. It reminds her of him. The media seems to assume that they're a couple. And she truly does love Tony Stark, but he seems uninterested in the going on's of their new little family. She's barely seen him since Peter moved in.

She feels alone in the big empty bed, but wherever Peter lives is her home now. As long as they are together, she is with a family who loves her. It's a small broken family that she creates on her own, but still a good family. And that is enough for her.

Peter starts crying down the hall and she's pulled from her gentle sleep. Her body has never grown a baby, but the high pitched cry is sharp in the back of her mind. It screams at her instincts, pulling at every maternal programming in her. Her baby is calling to her. He needs her. The panic is small but growing as she throws her duvets off of her body in an attempt to quickly get to him. She'd put him to sleep in his room only hours ago despite every instinct to keep him close since Tony wanted to talk to her, but he never seemed to show up on the agreed time anyway.

She's relieved to see him perfectly safe in his crib when she spins the corner and enters his room. Seeing her is enough to stop the tears from flowing now that he knows his mom is here to check on him. He even seems a little too proud as his plan worked. He had fake cried to get his momma's attention. The boy is just too smart for his own good; something Pepper can only blame on his father.

He stands at the side of the crib and jumps up and down with the crib bars in his tiny hands, demanding his mother's attention. He's like a little warrior who just won't stop until he wins. "Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!" he chants as the crib slams from his movements. She can only roll her eyes in response as she moves towards him.

"Hello, my baby boy," she coos as she lifts him from the crib and cradles him in her arms. He becomes calmer once he can hear her heartbeat so close. He knows he's safe now. He nuzzles his face into her neck and Pepper relaxes as she breathes in his scent. They hold each other close for a few moments. Neither is aware of the lack of blood relation between the two. At that moment, all he knows is that his mom is there for him.

She's so like his real mother that he can't tell the difference. Pepper is warm and loving and everything he can remember about her. Both had sweet milky scents that made him feel protected. And when he nestles real close, he can sense the same protective heartbeat pounding away in their chests. This is her. This is his mother.

It takes a few moments, but she quickly realizes the reason he woke up was a dirty diaper from the formula she'd recently fed him. He had quite the appetite, even for a growing boy, which was fine because she had quickly learned Peter was a bit underweight compared to other children in his age bracket. The doctors were unsure of the cause but had some suspicious in malnutrition before he arrived in their care.

She places him down on the changing table as she gets started on cleaning the mess he makes. She straps him in so that he can't roll around, but he always seems to find some kind of mess to make as she works to clean him up. She undresses pulls off his shirt and tosses out his diaper while talking to him soothingly the whole time.

"Do you like that? Do you like the cold air on your tushy?" she jokes. She knows he can't understand her yet, but the giggle on his face as she gently blows on him is enough. He stares up into her big eyes with his own as he reaches for the baby powder and she can't help but smile back at him as she puffs a cloud of it next to him for him to observe. He's so cute and innocent as he watches her bounce around him.

When she turns to grab another diaper, Peter reaches for her golden locks in an attempt to put them in his mouth, but she's not falling for that trick again. Instead, she shakes his toy spider in his face. The spider jingles and crinkles as she shakes it for him. "Do you like that Peter? Do you like your spooder? Are you my little spider boy?"

Peter struggles a few times to say spider, but it isn't quite coming out correctly. He can barely say the word mom reliably, but she repeats the word for him anyways. He struggles a few more times before he pulls his attention elsewhere. Pepper quickly seizes the moment and manages to pull a shirt over his head and stick his arms through the sleeves.

She picks Peter up to take him into the living room to play a bit. When she turns with Peter in her arms, she's shocked a bit to find Tony in the hallway watching over them. She jumps a little but manages to keep Peter safe in her arms as she waves a small wave towards the dark entrance.

Tony looks run down, even more so than usual. There are large blistered bags underneath his eyes, and he seems like he can barely stand without falling over in exhaustion. It must have been days since he's last slept. Pepper hasn't seen him for most of that time either. Tears are glistening in the corner of his ducts and she's unsure if they're happy or sad tears.

"Would you like to say hello to him?" she asks gently. Seeing Peter might be what he needs to accept her new lifestyle.

She rotates Peter in her arms to look at his father. The boy blinks groggily as he pulls himself from Pepper's neck and turns towards the hallway to see who's there. His big brown eyes search for something as his mom murmurs gently into his hair. Their eyes lock from across the room for a few seconds and Pepper can feel the emotion it brings to them both. They're kin.

Before she has a chance to say anything else, Tony turns suddenly and leaves them alone in the quiet room. She exhales a sad sigh for them both.

"Your daddy loves you," she whispers in Peter's hair, "He just doesn't know it yet."

* * *

 

Time passes quickly in the empty house as she raises her son. Peter is growing every single day and quickly becoming a young man before her very eyes. He's full of energy, and she continually finds herself tripping over his toys, but she wouldn't have it any other way. He's the perfect image of a growing boy.

"Good morning Mistress Potts. Today is young sir's third birthday. Please do not forget guests will be arriving at noon to celebrate the day," the AI announces as it gently plays her alarm in the background. She's set up the reminder since her days tend to become pretty hectic once she's up and moving. This way she won't forget anything from her son's busy schedule.

"Thank you JARVIS," she says in a kind voice as she drags herself from her bed and rubs the sleep from her eyes. Her eyes feel overtired from the long previous night. Pepper had stayed up to prepare special snacks for his upcoming birthday party in an attempt to impress the other mother. She never seemed to feel adequate around the affluent crowd. Hopefully, her work will be worth the time.

There's something more important in the day to her anyways. She's ecstatic to be celebrating the day with her son. She can barely believe that Peter's already turning three years old today. It seems like just yesterday she was taking him home in her arms. And now she'd spent nearly two years with the boy and two years with them bonded by the hip filled with kisses and hugs.

As the friends and family start to arrive and quickly surround the boy, she finds herself wondering how many of these people are here for her son's special day. She's overjoyed to see such a turn out as she shows off their fancy living quarters, but she can't help but wonder how many are just here because of the last name attached to the boy. She wonders if she's doing the right thing. Is she teaching him to surround himself with the right type of people, even at this young age? Maybe he should only be surrounded by those who genuinely love him for who he is inside. (At least Peter seems to enjoy the mound of presents that everyone has brought him.)

Moms surround Pepper with questions about her love life. She shrugs most of them off as she prepares a large cake that Tony ordered for the boy. The cake is comically giant and could cater to a large conference instead of the small gathering this is supposed to be. The tablecloth matches the colors of Peter's room with a large rice crispy spider molded on top of it to match his favorite toy. She can't help but roll her eyes as Tony announced that it was the boy's birthday gift. She's was busy making sure everything would be perfect that she can't believe she let Tony get so carried away with something like cake.

Children from Peter's playgroup run around the living room and laugh carelessly as they speed around the large room. Furniture shakes as Peter holds his spider plushie in his hand and chases his friends around the large couches. They laugh and scream as the game goes on and on. They're a bit loud, but Pepper watches them from the corner of her eye to make sure everyone doesn't get too out of control. And she knows they're in safe hands since Happy follows closely behind to make sure no one bumps their head on any sharp corners.

"I'm so happy to finally meet Peter's father," one of the women remarks.

It takes Pepper back a bit. These moms are all highly aware that Tony Stark is Peter's father - it isn't a secret with how public the adoption had become in the media - but she's clearly referring to the man playing along with the little spider games. Is it meant to be a question about their unique family dynamic or a strong jab towards Tony's absence? Unsure of herself, Pepper decides the best course of action is just to play dumb.

"Oh no. Happy isn't Peter's father. He's just a really close family friend, like an uncle," she informs the gossiping hens. Some seem satisfied, but the same woman keeps digging.

"Oh, my mistake. It's just the way he plays with him, you can tell that he loves Peter so much. They must really be close."

Pepper nods hesitantly as a reply. It is very true that Happy's been a strong father figure in Peter's life since day one. The moment the boy was unexpectedly brought into the limo, Happy has been a wonderful friend to their little family. He fell for the boy's charm almost as quickly as Pepper had. Through all the changes in her life, he's been there to support her. Whether be it a ride to the store or a friend to talk to with a glass of wine, Happy has been there for Pepper. And she's thankful for every bit of Happy's support.

"Will we be meeting Mr. Stark tonight?" the mother asks when she doesn't receive a reply.

'That's it,' Pepper thinks to herself. That's why they're all here anyway. They were never here for Peter. The wealthy trophy wives are only here to see the famous Tony Stark.

"Mr. Stark is a very busy man. I don't think he'll be visiting us tonight," she admits. She doesn't want the wives anywhere near him, though it pains her to admit that also means Tony will miss his son's birthday party. She tries not to dwell on the hurt. She's done nothing but urge the man to be part of the family, but he's still broken beyond repair. All she can do is wait.

It's clear the conversation about Mr. Stark is now over. They start with some other gossip she isn't interested in listening to. Pepper can't be bothered to listen to their closet whispers anymore. This isn't the type of person she wants to be. And besides, she has an enormous cake to finish prepping.

When everything is ready, she calls the children over for cake and ice cream. The cake is gorgeous, and she waits a few minutes as the other mothers take photographs before cutting into the thick icing. Each corner of the cake is a different flavor, but she's sure to cut a slice of Peter's confetti cake corner since it is his birthday. She knows it's his favorite flavor.

The company sings happy birthday to Peter, though she knows it's mostly the work of the energetic toddlers from his playgroup. The boy seems especially active today, jumping up and down as he blows out his three candles, and she wonders if he really needs any more sugar today. Those big eyes are unable to resist though.

She kisses Peter's head as she presents him with his own slice. "Happy birthday Peter," she whispers in a loving tone as she places a gentle kiss on his head. He digs into his cake and ice cream hands first as he jams a piece into his mouth. She laughs as she returns to make sure all the other children get cake and ice cream too.

"JARVIS?" she asks as she starts handing out plates to the adults.

"Yes, mistress Potts? How may I assist?" the AI asks the room. The room is silent for a few moments as the guests try to figure out what is going on, though she sees a few jealous looks from the more snobby moms. Most of the quests are in awe, staring around the ceiling to see where the voice is coming from. Only Peter and Happy seem unconcerned.

"Can you ask Tony if he'd like a piece of cake? There's plenty left since he ordered so much."

"I will ask him," the AI replies. It's quiet for a few moments before it speaks again. "Sir would like to know if the cake is covered in children's spit from blowing out candles."

Pepper stifles a laugh. Only Tony Stark would worry about such a trivial thing. (She secretly wishes she had thought of saving him a very spitty piece herself.)

"No. Happy's eating the piece Peter spit all over," she jokes. Most of the moms are now uninterested with the conversation, but Pepper watches as Happy turns away from his mostly eaten cake, unsure if he should finish the last bite. He seems overly suspicious as he forks the last bit of icing into his mouth. Pepper can't help but chuckle out loud as she winks at him in return.

"Sir says you may send him down a piece of cake," the AI announces to the room.

The room somehow becomes even quieter as the mothers turn and stare at Pepper. Most of them would do as they're told, but she can't help but dig in her heels, knowing how to deal with her past boss too well. He's not pulling this shit today, especially with all these uptight mom's watching over her every action. She's the head of household today.

"JARVIS, please tell _sir_ that if he wants a piece of cake, he can get off his lazy butt and come get it himself."

The room is silent, but it returns to its normal rhythm quickly enough. Despite earlier reservations, Pepper still wishes that Tony would be here for their son. Peter seems happy enough as he opens his gifts, but there's something about a father's love that Pepper knows she can't provide alone.

She doesn't hold her breath too much, knowing deep down that Tony can't be bothered enough to come to get a piece of cake or see his son play with his friends. She isn't too concerned about it. Peter barely ever sees the man and won't even notice that he isn't here. Sometimes she wonders if Peter understands who Tony is.

That's why when the party starts to slow down, and everyone heads home, she finds herself surprised to see Tony in the corner of her eye-grabbing a slice of cake from a leftover container she's already put away. Pepper sends Peter to his room to get dressed for bed. She's ready to tear into the man for missing their son's birthday for some stupid invention once again, but in the moment, she can't find the words to express herself.

"What are you doing here?" she asks defensively instead. She doesn't need to upset Peter on such a special day. They already walk such a fine line when it comes to their relations. And if a fight breaks out in the kitchen with Peter so close by, she'll only have herself to blame.

"Cake," he replies as he forks another bite into his mouth. "You did offer me some earlier. Or did you forget already?"

"You know what I mean, Tony. I offered you the cake hours ago. Why suddenly now? After all this time, why are you here?"

"I… I wanted to wish him a happy birthday," he says in reply as he chokes back a sob. She moves close to him a bit to comfort him, but stops in her tracks. This isn't right. She can smell alcohol on the man's breath as he speaks and she's unsure of how to reply. She truly wants him in Peter's life, but not like this. Not while he's drunk. It screams against every one of her motherly instincts.

"You can't see him like this Tony. You can't be drunk around him. He's only a child," she says in a harsh whisper. She can't believe that he spent the day drinking in his lab while his family was here celebrating.

"Mom?" Peter shouts from the end of the hall. His voice isn't desperate, just curious. She had promised she'd be right behind him.

"I'm coming honey," she calls back as she moves closer to Tony. The tension is killer as she looks him in the eye. There's so much venom she wants to spit in his face, but she's seen this before. Tony's spiraling. She'd be there for him if she wasn't so busy with Peter and she blames herself the littlest bit. She places her hand on hand tenderly on his chest as they sit there for a few moments together in silence. She wants to tell him how it's okay for them to trust each other now, how it's okay to be loved. She wants to be there for him and support him. She wants him to feel whole again.

She wants them to truly be a family.

She waits too long though. Peter spills out of his bedroom unaware as he interrupts the moment. Pepper has to pull herself away from Tony. He's still mildly drunk, and she doesn't want him around Peter at the moment. She gives him a chance to escape like usual, but the man doesn't move. He stands perfectly still as Peter wraps himself around Tony's leg in a hug and looks up at his father with his large brown eyes.

"Hey there buddy," he says as he strokes his hand through Peter's hair. His voice is rough and strained, but kind nonetheless. Pepper can see as he fights through his struggles, unable to make eye contact with his own son. The scene tugs at her chest, but she knows that this isn't the time for her to push him. He's unpredictable when in this state.

"Come on Peter. It's bedtime," she says as she grabs the boy's hand a little too roughly and drags him back towards his bedroom. The boy whines that he didn't get to say goodbye. Pepper flashes Tony a dirty look for interrupting their bedtime routine.

Once in the room, she helps Peter change out of his clothes and into a pair of new Superman pajamas. They brush their teeth together, though it's Pepper that does most of the work for him. She's happy to make sure he's all clean and ready for the day ahead of him. He has a playgroup scheduled, and she knows it might be a lot of drama, so the sooner he's asleep, the better. She reads him a quicker than usual story and kisses his forehead before telling him she loves him.

She's almost out of the room when he stops her in her tracks. Peter usually asks all sorts of questions before bed and tonight is no exception. He's just eager to learn about everything around him.

"Mom?" he says sleepily. She needs to return to her conversation with Tony, but can't resist answering at least question for him.

"Yes honey?" she asks as she stands at the light switch, ready to flick it off. One question is all she has the time for tonight, and she tries to make it aware in her stance that it needs to be something quick.

"Who was that?" he asks in the most innocent voice, blatantly unaware that moments ago he was holding onto his father's leg.

Pepper's heart cracks in two. He shouldn't have to deal with this. He shouldn't have to ask who his dad is. He should just know.

"That's your dad honey. He loves you very much, but he's very busy with work. He's a very busy man you know."

"Oh," Peter answers in return. He seems satisfied with the answer, but her hearts still breaking under the pressure of the words. She's unsure of what to say without breaking either of their hearts, so instead, she lies to him.

"Your daddy is a really busy man. He works super hard to make sure you have everything you'll ever need and take care of us: the house, your lucky charms, your legos. That's all from daddy," she tells him with a forced smile. It's enough to make him feel that his dad is at least doing something. She hopes it's enough to settle the ache in the boy's chest for a bit longer.

And it isn't a complete lie. Tony's credit card does provide for them financially. Money has never been a problem.

Peter doesn't question her any further. He just tucks his face into his pillow and yawns deeply. The boy stops fighting the sleepiness and finds his eyes drooping closed pretty quickly. It's been a long day, and he's too tired to fight off sleep anymore.

Pepper returns to the kitchen to continue the conversation, but she finds it empty once more. The empty container that once stored cake sits in the sink where the man once stood. On the counter to the right she finds a box of mega blocks with a sticky note attached that reads "~To the Birthday Boy" where Tony once stood. She huffs to herself angrily.

Peter hates mega blocks. He calls them legos for babies. If Tony had spent any time with his son, he'd know that.

But, at least it's something. At least he's trying.

* * *

 

Pepper isn't sure how to feel about Tony's newfound involvement in raising Peter.

She wants Peter to be happy. She truly does. He shouldn't have to worry about a distant father or the complications that come with parents that live in two separate rooms. He should have a father he can learn about the world from and grow with. He needs a real dad.

But at the same time, she's suspicious of anything that may harm her son. She's raised him alone for so long that accepting his help is difficult. She can still see the distant look in Tony's eyes when he's around his son. He closes himself off to any true love from his son, though Peter doesn't seem to notice anything weird about the way his father acts. The two play together, putting together Legos and talking about whatever crappy children's show the boy's recently watched. Peter shows him his little dances he's made up, which at least earns a smile from his dad.

Only Pepper can see Tony's mind ticking away in a time so long ago. Only Pepper is terrified of the pain this may cause Peter. Only Pepper is afraid of what may never happen.

"I'm just saying that we can afford better for him Pepper. The private school really might be what's best for him," he says as he sips coffee at the kitchen table.

Pepper shakes her head as she prepares breakfast for the family. Peter will be up soon, and she isn't having this argument again. She's already put her foot down about this. She knows Peter best and public school will be just fine for him. (It was good enough for her, and she turned out just fine.)

"He'll be with his friends from the playgroup," he argues. He's too calm as he says the words like it's a simple fact.

"Peter doesn't have any friends in the playgroup. The moms only come here to ogle at your money and good looks Tony, but they don't really care about Peter. They're vultures," she huffs. There's a reason she's separated herself from that crowd. She can't stand the drama the circle entails anymore. "Don't you notice how we're never invited to their house in return?"

He doesn't notice. He's too busy with other things. Tony Stark always has something more important going on.

"The private school will watch him in the afternoons when he's done school. It will give you time to focus on yourself. Maybe you could return as my secretary? Don't you miss working for me - you were so good at your job. Carol isn't really working out," he murmurs to the room.

"I don't need someone to watch Peter. I can watch him myself. I can spend time with him. It'll be good for his development," she argues in return. She's trying to keep it from being personal, but she can feel her resentment towards Tony growing with every word. "I'm a full-time mom now Tony. I'm sorry she isn't working out, but I won't be returning to Stark Industries anytime soon..."

It's too easy to judge these things when he isn't actually involved in raising Peter. It's so easy to judge when he has no idea of the day to day life of raising children.

She's about to continue winning the argument when little Peter comes around the corner with his blanket trailing behind him. He's already rubbing his eyes as he tries to adjust to the bright kitchen lights. Pepper gives Tony a look that signals the end the conversation before preparing the final touches on their breakfasts. It will not continue with her four year old right here.

Pepper helps Peter into his booster seat as she serves him some chocolate chip pancakes piled high with syrup and extra whip cream. He digs in eagerly without giving them a chance to cool. He's a bit of a messy eater, but she's scheduled a bit of time to clean his dirty face before they leave.

"Are you excited for your first day of school?" she asks when he finally takes a moment to breathe. Whip cream sticks to the sides of his face as he slowly shakes his head. The boy looks down at his food, his long bangs hiding his eyes from his parents' view. He doesn't seem too upset, but the shy behavior is still unusual for him. She wonders what could make him feel this way.

"How come? What's wrong?"

"I'll miss you, mommy," he says in reply. His tone is somber for his age, but she can't help but smile at his response. She'll miss him too.

"I know Peter. But you'll love school. You'll get to learn lots of cool stuff, and you'll make lots of friends. They might even have new Lego sets for you to play with," she encourages. "And I hear afterward that we're going out for ice cream."

He seems to accept her words enough to keep eating his pancakes as nothing happened. Pepper looks at Tony, concern still in her eyes. She's debated pushing this off a year or attempting homeschooling, but she knows deep down that this is the best option for him. She's just nervous about him away from him for so long. Her eyes beg Tony for the support she desperately needs.

"Your mom is right, you know. You're gonna have a great time."

As they drop their boy off at the school together as parents, Tony can't help but reach out to Pepper and put his hand on the small of her back as a comforting gesture. She leans deep into his touch as tears gather in her eyes.

"Everything's going to be okay Pepper," he soothes.

"I know," is all she can reply.

Everything will turn out just fine.


	3. Sunflower

 

 

Every time Tony Stark suggests hiring a nanny, Pepper digs her heels in and refuses. They don't need a nanny. She doesn't want a nanny raising her son. She's hurt by him even suggesting the idea.

She can't blame the man for the lackluster parenting solution. He hasn't experienced anything different in his lifetime. He's a man who spent most of his childhood being raised by the help and women paid to care for him. His parents did the best they possibly could, but she there's something unique about a parent's love that Tony needed in his development. It's something that Pepper's committed to providing to her son whenever possible.

That's why, as she sits at the dining room table reviewing nanny applications, she feels horribly guilty for what she's about to do. It isn't what she wants for Peter. She doesn't want him to be raised like Tony was, with a lack of parental support. She was supposed to be the one caring for him. She was supposed to be his mother.

But, at this point, she has no choice. Her hand is being played for her. She's playing a card she never even considered as an option.

It's been weeks since she last heard from Tony. It's been weeks since she listened to the sound of his voice. She's spent weeks wondering if he's even breathing or if he's even alive anymore.

Initially, she's annoyed when he doesn't call her home. He was supposed to talk to Peter that night. Peter misses his father so much when he's away. He itches to hear his father's voice, even if Tony never knows the proper thing to say.

She's even more annoyed when she continues to hear nothing for days at a time. She's angry and can't help but linger on the man's unwavering loyalty to the family. She should have never let him out of her sight. The man's likely in some fancy hotel room somewhere schmoozing it up, covered in women that adore him. Tony is likely drinking his problems away, without his family to hold him back. She fumes at the thought.

All her anger floats away when she learns what's really happened, that this isn't another example of his constant negligence. On the way back to the plane, his convoy was attacked by a large terrorist organization. Tony Stark was taken as a hostage, if he wasn't killed, to begin with. There are people out searching for him, but there is a significant chance that she might never see him again.

She needs to stay strong, needs to keep hope alive and be the rock that Peter relies on, but she finds it becoming more and more difficult as time moves on. She's growing more and more convinced that she may never see Tony again. She feels like an empty shell of a person as she fights to stay faithful.

Her promises are empty. Her heart is broken. She's scared and alone. She needs help.

She considers herself lucky to be surrounded by the remaining members of her family in this difficult time of need. It's their love that keeps the family together.

Peter can sense something is wrong. He does all he can to cheer his mommy up whenever he catches her silently choking back tears. The boy's vaguely aware that his father's absence is what causes her tears, but he's uninformed of the extent of the danger his dad faces. Instead, he brings his mom scribbled pictures of their family and makes sure to give her lots of extra hugs until his dad returns from his business trip. He tells his mother he loves her as often as humanly possible.

Happy visits as often as possible. The man not only misses his boss but also a friend that he cared for dearly. The least he can do is care for Tony's kin in this difficult time of need. He continues to dedicate himself to caring for Pepper and Peter in his spare time. He even takes over as Stark Industries' head of security and prioritizes the penthouse suite. Happy is sure that if Tony were here, his family's safety would be of top concern.

Ned's mom has also been invaluable. Pepper has to admit that though she was a bit nervous meeting Kai at first, the woman has brought a glimmer of hope that Pepper can only be thankful for. She's been an incredibly supportive friend to the family while she tries to hide the truth from her son. She provides temporary childcare for Peter in the form of sleepovers and enough wine to numb the pain Pepper feels inside.

(She's especially overjoyed to see Ned and Peter bond so closely. Every young boy needs a best friend who he can trust, and Peter is no exception. She feels a lot safer knowing his time at school is filled with jokes and lunchroom chatter.)

That should be enough people to care for Peter. She shouldn't need to hire anyone else, but with Tony missing and a company worth of responsibility fallen on her shoulders, what else can she do? She has no choice but to consider a nanny. She has no choice but to trust Peter's care in the hands of someone else as she runs Stark Industries.

She'd been surprised by the large applicant pool in the beginning, but the pay is good, and Pepper ensures the job provides top of the line benefits, so she can't be too surprised at the results. And while the long list of names bodes well for her high standards, it doesn't make her job less difficult as she skims her thumb down the list of names.

_Natasha Rushman_

The name seems familiar on her tongue. She's heard it before. She does her best to dig through her mind as she reads over the qualifications. The woman seems underqualified for the position, but she already works at Stark Industries in a highly guarded department. Everyone in legal is required to sign a non-disclosure agreement, which makes Pepper feel a bit better. If she's trustworthy enough with Stark Industries dirty secrets, surely she can be trusted with the Stark's private lives too.

Pepper quickly schedules the interview for later tonight as grabs her phone. It buzzes in her hand with a reminder that school is ending soon. She needs to pick up Peter. She rushes out of the large office and politely declines any hallway chatter as she heads to pick up her son.

* * *

 

Pepper barely makes it in time back to the school as the bell rings. Children come rushing into the schoolyard as she pulls into the crowded parking lot. She steps out of the car just in time as Peter throws himself into her arms and holds himself close enough to hear her beating heart. The thoughtful action spreads a smile over her overly tired face.

"I see someone had a good day," she says as she peels Peter's backpack off his shoulders and tosses it into the back seat of the car. She takes a moment to compose herself, forcing herself to smile when she's around her son. He doesn't deserve to see the stress that's plagued her, let alone the horrible night's rest from the day before.

"Ned and I are just super excited to go Build a Bear!"

Only now does she notice the other boy standing shyly behind Peter and the morning's promise dawns on her. After another busy night of work with so many more nights to follow, she had promised to take the boys to make bears after school.

It'd been a frantic attempt to keep Peter distracted when he'd started asking about when daddy would come home. She begins to regret the promise as her phone buzzes in her pocket once more. She's only gone from the tower for twenty minutes, and her phone is already flooded with messages from board members asking where she's gone. There's a meeting in progress that they desperately need her for and they're demanding her presence.

She sighs as she feels herself tearing into two for the millionth time since Tony's absence. She's prioritized Tony's company so many times in hopes he'll return and be happy with her commitment that she's found herself losing herself in the process. Not this time though.

"Are we still going? Ned already picked out his name," Peter says as they get situated in the car. He can feel his mother's despair fully as she leans over to make sure he's buckled correctly in but doesn't want to press the issue. Peter understands there's a chance his mother may cancel the trip. He knows she's doing her best.

Pepper forces a smile as she double-checks Ned's buckles. The boys absolutely can't see her in this state. She needs to stay strong so that she can keep her family together. She sends a quick text that she won't make the meeting before starting the car.

"Don't worry. We're still going. I promised we would build bears after school. And I always keep my promises," the mom tells the two boys. They jump in their car seats in excitement.

She forces herself to ignore her phone as it buzzes the majority of the ride to the mall. It's easy enough to do as she listens to the two boys chatter along in the back seat of the car, but her conscious still pulls her in to take care of Tony's legacy. Her heart pounds with anxiety as she does her best to stay focused on the task ahead.

She knows the investors are upset with her for accidentally forgetting, and then purposely avoiding, but she has no other choice. She's doing her absolute best to balance the unexpected burden of a company with the boy she loves so much.

She can only hope that things will settle once she has a nanny to rely on and help aid her in raising Peter. Then she'll have some a bit more time to decide what she wants to do with Tony's company. She'll have time to breathe and think.

She tries not to think about the difficult choices she'll have to make if Tony never returns.

* * *

 

She holds close as they make their way through the busy mall. It's packed with people looking to shop and a place to hang out. Teenagers are starting to arrive and fill the small space loitering as Pepper works her way towards the store, doing her best to keep both of the children safe.

(She can't help but imagine how Tony would have offered to reserve the entire mall for the small occasion. And how she would have denied the offer. They didn't need an entire mall to themselves. That's just silly.)

"Are you going to make a bear mom?" Peter asks when they're close to the store. He's trying to pull his hand free from her grip, already sensing the presence of the store.

"Maybe. I'm not sure yet. It depends what they have to pick from," Pepper entertains. She knows she likely won't build anything. She has too many emails to answer while the children enjoy themselves.

"Maybe we should build a bear for when dad gets home? So he doesn't feel left out?"

Pepper can feel her eyes welling up at the suggestion and has to turn her head a bit as she attempts to blink the sadness from her face. She struggles to keep her composure and is thankful for the distraction as they approach the store. It should be enough to distract the boys from her teary eyes.

"Go ahead," she whispers her permission. The two boys run ahead to the store as Pepper takes a few moments to gather herself and quickly wipe her eyes on her sleeve.

Peter and Ned scan the display of large bears as they attempt to decide which one they want to take home. There are so many options, and Peter is a bit overwhelmed as he inspects each furry animal. All of the display plushies are tempting in their own ways.

Peter eventually settles on a black and white border collie. His love of dogs shines through as he tries to choose a cooler design like a dinosaur or tiger, but the cute little puppy eyes keep dragging him back. He uses the excuse that Builds a Bear donates a dollar to a dog charity if he selects it, but everyone knows he really loves puppies. (Pepper makes a mental note to give even more money to the charity when this is over, in Peter's name.)

Ned takes a bit longer to decide. He keeps finding himself drawn to a black jaguar that sits on the farthest left of the bear display, but he knows this is where they keep the higher costing bears. It's an all too familiar feeling when he selects a cheaper bear from the right side of the display.

"Why are you picking that one? I thought you wanted the jaguar. You picked out a name for him and everything," Peter questions when he sees Ned return with a simple brown teddy in his arms. His friend had talked all day about the limited time feline.

"It's too expensive. My mom only gave me thirty dollars," he admits as he pulls the crumpled bills from his pockets. It's shrugged it off like it's no big deal, but that doesn't sit right with Peter. As someone who's never had to worry about money before, it's just now dawning on him that others don't always get that courtesy. Not everyone comes from a family with money.

Peter excuses himself for a moment and finds his mother. He's still holding the plush dog plushie skin under his arm as he sees his mother in the corner. She's sitting on a small children's chair as she answers emails on her phone. She is biting at her lower lip as she types away on a high tech phone, but pauses when she notices her son.

"Did you come to show me what you picked out? I can help you stuff it if you want," she says as she stuffs her phone back into her pocket and focuses her attention on something more important.

He shakes his head as leans into her lap and starts whispering into her ear.

"Ned says he doesn't have enough money for the jaguar plushie. If I promise to do some extra chores this week and be really good, can I have some extra money to give Ned?" he asks politely.

The corners of Pepper's mouth lift in compassion as she peaks a glance in Ned's direction. She's already planned to cover the costs for both of the boys, but she fills with pride at Peter's suggestion. She pulls him close into a hug before responding.

"Of course we can do that honey. You two get can whatever you want, and we'll figure it out afterward, okay?" Pepper tells him before she sends him back to the stuffing station.

She watches as Peter tells Ned good news. His face immediately lights up as he returns the bear and picks up the panther. When they're both ready at the stuffing station, she joins them and takes a few pictures with their empty plushies.

"Hi there, boys. I'm Samantha, and I'll be bringing your plushies to life today," the employee at the station introduces. She has a kind smile, and Pepper watches the process with tired eyes. This is the first time she's ever seen the process, though she knows Peter has come here for a few birthday parties on previous occasions.

"Are we celebrating something special today?" she asks the boys as she begins as she prepares the stuffing machine.

"My daddy is on a business trip, so mom brought us here to build bears," Peter chimes to the employee unaware and Pepper has to keep herself from physically cringing. The words dig deep, and she has to keep her emotions from showing.

"Mr. Stark will be home soon though," Ned adds, clearly repeating the words he's heard Peter say so many times before. The two boys have no clue about the situation.

Pepper looks over at the employee with begging eyes. As their eyes lock from across the small space, it's clear that the employee now recognizes the family that stands before her. The news of Tony Stark's abduction has been impossible to miss. There's an air of understanding between the two adults before she returns to face the boys.

"That's good," she continues. Her voice falters for only a quarter of second as she forces herself to remain upbeat and create an enjoyable experience for these two oblivious children. She's always ready to deal with upsetting scenarios in her line of work.

Samantha holds out a small plastic container filled with silk hearts and instructs for the boys to each choose a heart for their new friend. They dig around in the bin as they search for the perfect one. Peter picks a plain red heart while Ned picks out a red and white plaid design.

The employee takes the plush skins as she prepares the boys for their heart ceremonies. Pepper pulls out a little video camera and records the entire event. She's been doing her best to record the high points of Peter's life for his return.

"Hold your heart in between your hands to warm it up real good."

"Now squeeze your firsts a few times to give your friend a heartbeat."

"Rub it on your funny bone, so it's silly!"

"Rub it on your hair, so it never has a bad fur day!"

"Rub it on on your heart for lots of love!"

Pepper giggles the whole time as she watches the boys shamelessly dance with the little hearts in their hands. It's such a silly process, but they seem to be having a blast bringing their new toys to life. Joy fills the entire room as she watches Peter smile. She can't help but feel helpful for the momentary distraction.

"Now give it a big kiss and make a wish," finishes the employee.

Peter takes a moment to think of the perfect wish. He already has everything he wants, so he's a bit unsure of what to wish for at first. He's got lots of toys, he gets to eat all his favorite foods for dinner, and his mom's always there for him. Then it dawns on him. Something is missing from his life.

 _'I wish daddy comes home soon,'_ he thinks to himself as he plants a big kiss on the heart.

The employee sticks the tiny hearts inside the bear and uses the machine to fill the bears with stuffing. Peter finds himself amazed as he steps on the pedal and stuffing is piped into his new puppy. He watches the machine in awe as he wonders how the device works and keeps asking questions about how it pipes the filling into the bears.

After a quick bath and brush session, the boys find themselves in the clothing side of the store. There are even more options now, and she watches as they around pulling pieces off the racks as they try to decide what works best. Pepper's appreciative for the neverending amount of clothing to distract the boys.

Peter's dog is a bit more challenging to dress than most of the bears on the shelves, but he eventually finds something that fits its feral form. He dresses the dog with sneakers, roller skates that snap onto the sneakers, and a collar/leash set. He seems to have discovered a way to make the dog follow him around as he drags it around the store.

The outfit is a bit pricey with all the pieces, but the joy as his new plush toy follows him is worth every penny. His mom also throws in a dog house for Peter, as well as a brush and cleaning set for both the boys so that they can take care of their new toys. She's doing her best not to spoil the boys too much, but money isn't really a problem she wants them to worry about.

They're nearly done now. The boys sit at the naming station as they type names into an ancient looking computer. Peter struggles with a name before finally naming his new dog Dummy.

"You can't name him Dummy, Peter. That's not a nice name," she corrects him.

"Daddy named his robot dummy," he says in return. He's not fighting her, but if daddy does it, it must be okay. She doesn't know what to say. She's always hated the name.

"You don't want to be like daddy though."

Peter changes the name to something less meaningful, thinking to himself the whole time about how wonderful his dad is. He doesn't understand what his mom is saying at all. His dad invents robots and works with machines. He's always there to provide for the family. He's the celebrity of their home, Stark Tower.

He wants to be just like daddy when he grows up.

* * *

 

Pepper tucks Peter into bed with his new stuffed puppy and a movie for him to watch. She usually doesn't allow the privilege of a bedtime movie since it'll keep him awake in the late hours of the night, but she needs to guarantee he stays in his bedroom tonight. She doesn't need him finding her over and over to ask her questions.

"I love you mom," he says as he hugs his plushies close. He feels extra safe tonight with both his spider ploosh and his new puppy guarding his bed.

"I love you too honey," she swears as she gently closes the door behind her.

She takes her few moments of spare time to tidy up the house in a hurry. Natasha is arriving soon for the interview, and she doesn't want to be judged based on the cleanliness of the large suite. She's had so little time to clean lately, and the house has become quite messy since she's been away most of the time.

The living room is blanketed in toys and bits of half-assembled legos, but at least she's had enough time to flip the dishes and throw laundry down the shoot by the time the doorbell rings. She fixes her hair before rushing to answer the door.

With the door unlocked, a small red-headed woman through the doorframe confidently. She wears thick high heels that give her an air of danger despite gentle green eyes hidden behind smoky eyeshadow.

The woman carries a folder full of papers and notes for the interview. She can't help but feel impressed and Pepper senses the same confidence that once boosted herself through the ranks.

"Natasha Rushman," the woman says as she reaches her hand out in greeting. She's the first one to break the silence and Pepper is appreciative.

"Pepper Potts. It's nice to meet you, Ms. Romanoff." The two shake hands and Pepper can't help but admire the strength she possesses. She seems like a woman who has her life together.

"The pleasure is all mine, but really, Natasha is just fine."

"Can I get you anything to drink Natasha?" Pepper means for the interview to be more formal, but she has a good feeling about the woman's character. They seem very similar, and Pepper generally has a perfect instinct for these things.

"If it's no trouble, a cup of tea would be wonderful. Thank you for your kindness."

With the kettle started, the two women take a seat at the dining room table. Natasha gives a lopsided grin as she moves a half-built lego car and places her paperwork on the table in its place. She starts tidying the mess of toys as she waits for the kettle to boil.

"I'm sorry for the mess. We've been pretty busy since I stepped up at work. The small amount of spare time I've had has been dedicated to taking care of Peter," she explains. She is apologetic for the mess, but it's also a bit of a test. Will Natasha judge the quality of care when she's doing her best to provide?

"Oh. It's no problem at all. I can understand how busy you must be right now. It's impressive enough how you take charge at work, but raising Peter must be a full-time job in itself," she replies in earnest.

"Yes. Taking care of Peter has always been my top priority," she says as she pours the hot water into the cups and serves the tea with cream and sugar. "Even before I took over for Tony, I was pretty busy trying to take care of Peter full time. And now I just feel like I'm being pulled in too many directions at once. It's been difficult, to say the least."

"That's understandable." Natasha knows she might be out of line, but she feels a spark growing between the two. She speaks her words as if they've always been friends. "It's okay to ask for help when you need it. You know that, right?"

"I just feel like by hiring a nanny, I'm admitting that I'm not enough for Peter - that I'm not doing enough as a mother. I feel like a failure." Pepper grips her mug tightly in her hands as she speaks. The tea almost trembles in her shaky hands. She has to hide her shameful eyes from the women she's supposed to be interviewing.

"If you can admit that you feel like a failure, that generally means your not one. You're just burdened right now. And that's okay. This whole Tony Stark thing has been difficult on everyone. It's unfair for anyone to expect you to pick up all the pieces when you can only do your best."

Pepper considers the woman's words. They're deep — words created from years of pain and experience. Natasha seems almost too wise for her age.

"What about you?" Pepper says. She needs to change the subject before she starts crying again. She skims the paperwork on the table for something else to say. "Why would someone from legal apply for a transfer as a nanny?"

"I was appreciative for the secretary position, but it isn't ever what I wanted to do here. This is a very impressive company to work for, and any experience was invaluable, but having a desk job just isn't for me. I prefer to work things that are more hands on. When I saw the job posting online, I just couldn't resist applying."

"Do you have any experience working with children?"

"I don't have much formal experience, but I spent most of my teenage years taking care of siblings. I grew up in a foster home," she explains. "I was always taking care of the young ones. My love for children has only grown since then. And I'm certified in emergency response and defense so Peter will be completely safe in my care."

"Do you maybe have any newer childcare experience? Possibly children of your own?" Pepper asks with an eyebrow raised.

"I'm actually unable to have children of my own," the woman whispers in a much lower tone than her previous responses. Her face fills with shame, and it's the first time Pepper's seen her hesitate during the interview. It seems unlike her.

"I'm so sorry," Pepper apologizes quickly, doing her best to cover up her blunder in the conversation. "Tony wasn't supposed to be able to have kids anymore either. When we found out about his son, we were overjoyed. Peter was our miracle baby."

"That must be really nice," Natasha murmurs to herself. There's no resentment in her statement, only admiration for the happy family. She truly means her words, though the disappointment is difficult to ignore. Deep down she's always regretted being sterilized, not that she had a choice in the matter.

Pepper nods in response and continues to scan through the papers on the table. The woman seems charming enough, though she's mildly under qualified for the position. She has fantastic references from everyone she works with, but so little experience when it comes to adequate childcare.

So many of the other applicants have actual degrees in childhood development. Pepper can't help but wonder if Peter would be safer with another applicant, someone with higher qualifications. Her gut feels right with this woman, but she can't help but question herself. She has to wonder if trusting her heart in this situation is indeed the best thing for Peter.

She doesn't get any more time to think over her options. Peter's suddenly spilling out of his room and sneaking towards the dining room table. It seems the movie wasn't the perfect solution his mom had hoped for. The boy always has difficulties sleeping when people visit, and it seems tonight is no exception.

"Who are you?" he asks innocently as he pulls himself into one of the dining room chairs and starts picking his toys from the pile to play.

Pepper can't help but smile as she looks down at him. His large fleece pajamas hang off the skinny frame of his body, and he holds his red spider plushie close on his chest.

"I'm Natasha. It's nice to meet you, Peter. Your mom's been telling me all about you," she says with her eyes on the boy. She seems impressed as Peter continues to build his lego car with little help from the instruction booklet.

"Natasha might spend some time babysitting you tomorrow while I'm at work. What do you think of that Peter?" she asks him gently. It's her way of sneakily asking what Peter thinks.

Natasha raises an eyebrow in the background as her way of asking permission for the job. Pepper is still slightly nervous about the implications of hiring a nanny but tilts her head in response. She knows it won't hurt to do a trial run with JARVIS watching over the pair tomorrow while she's downstairs in the office.

"I would like that. She has pretty hair," Peter says before his face stretches in a massive yawn. It's getting close to midnight, and he's becoming too exhausted to function. Pepper is just thankful that he doesn't have school tomorrow and can spend some time sleeping in past his usual bedtime.

"Come on Peter. Let's get you back to bed," Natasha says as she rises from her place at the table. She takes the boy's hand, and Pepper watches as the woman leads her son back to his bedroom. Something about it just seems right. They seem good together.

It only takes a few moments to get him tucked back underneath the covers. He's too tired to resist the lure of sleep any longer, though he can't help but start asking questions like he usually does. Pepper's preparing to come in and save the new nanny from her son's ever-growing curiosity, but it seems she's unneeded. Natasha knows what she's doing.

"How about I sing you a lullaby? Will that make you sleepy?" she asks the tired boy. Peter nods in response. A lullaby does sound really nice since he's moments away from passing out.

Pepper listens from the hallway as beautiful words start pouring from the woman's mouth. Her voice is gentle and soothing as she sings, the tone melodic in nature. The words are simple as she slowly works through them, though Pepper can't help but notice a bit of an accent slipping out as she works through the emotional words.

_"I know you're scared of the unknown._

_You don't wanna be alone._

_I know I always come and go._

_But it's out of my control._

_And you'll be left in the dust._

_Unless I stuck by ya._

_You're my sunflower._

_I think your love would be too much._

_Or you'll be left in the dust._

_Unless I stuck by ya._

_You're my sunflower._

_You're my sunflower."_

Pepper has to push down a tinge of jealousy as the song finishes. Peter's sleeping soundly in his bed. He's safe and sound and happy and that's all that truly matters. She just needs to keep reminding herself that's she's doing what's best for him.

She can never be replaced as his mom. He needs her.

She's not a failure. Not yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes!! I know it's cheesy but in this universe, the lyrics to the chorus of sunflower comes from an old Russian lullaby. I just couldn't help myself. I just love Into the Spiderverse so much, and I don't actually know any Russian lullabies, so I thought I'd have fun with it.


	4. Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick note that this story is marked for teens. This is an especially dark chapter. It includes mentions of the following subject matter, so be sure to be extra careful when reading if you're unsure. 
> 
> Trigger warning for Suicide Mention, Suicide Notes, Suicide Tapes, Drugs, and Alcohol.

 

 

"It's been three months, Pepper. I think it's time to admit he's not coming back."

Pepper has to force herself to stay calm after hearing the hushed words. They're harsh, but she knows they're true. It just physically hurts her to hear them spoken out loud. She can feel herself cringing away from the words.

Her emotions rush through at a pace she can't keep up with, and she can feel nauseousness creeping through her. She has to grip at the countertop to keep herself steady as the room begins to spin around her.

This isn't like her. This isn't the strong woman she's grown into. She's usually so in control of herself, but the fear and grief that flood her system is too much for her to handle right now.

"I can't do that. Not yet," Pepper admits to herself in a hushed tone. She stays quiet for herself - she can barely acknowledge that he hasn't returned yet - but she also can't let Peter hear this discussion. He's currently sleeping in the other room, and she can't wake him. Not with this.

"We both know what Tony's last wishes were. You've read the emergency plan files for his company. You've seen the video he left us. We can't refuse his requests much longer. We have to respect his wishes."

Pepper thinks back to the instructions delivered by JARVIS only minutes after Tony Stark had been officially declared missing. Tears fog her eyes as she recalls every single word. She can still see the pain on his face as she watched the recording.

Of course, she can't forget his final wishes. It's always playing on a loop in the back of her mind. She can never let it go. It'll haunt her until the day she sees him again.

The video file is old. The quality is perfect because it's recorded on Stark technology, but Pepper knows it's a different Tony Stark than the one she knows now. This is a Tony Stark that's six or so years younger. It's the Tony Stark from the time of the adoption.

He's standing in his lab. There are a few bottles of high-end liquor surrounding him, but he seems less drunk than he usually is. This isn't a full spiral yet.

_"Hey there, Happy. Pep. Hopefully, you'll never see this. Hopefully, I fuck it up again like I always do. I always fuck it up."_

He laughs to himself. It's a dark laugh that Pepper doesn't like. It sends a shiver down her spine. She knows Tony's a fighter. The only thing he could ever fuck up is dying. And she doesn't like the thought of a world without him.

_"I leave. A lot. Work takes me away, sometimes to dangerous places, and I know there's not always a chance I'll be here. There might be a day I can no longer lead Stark Industries. And that's okay."_

Pepper's heart always aches at this part. It's the start of a confession of pain for the man she so dearly misses. She's unsure how she let him get so far. How had she missed the signs of his pain when they were so bright? How had she not noticed how depressed he truly was?

_"I've been hurting. A lot. And drinking too much. Sometimes I sit in this chair and hope if I drink enough, the pain will just stop. But it won't. It never does. There's nothing that can numb the pain when it's dug so deep into you."_

Tony pauses for a second as he hiccups. How drunk is he right now?

_"I'm not enough. I've never been enough. I appreciate all you two have done for me. But I'm just at this point where I can't fix these things anymore. Stark Industries is great. I'm loved around the world. But it isn't enough. It was never enough."_

_"When I go to these dangerous war-torn countries, I know there's a chance I may never return. But that isn't the real danger in my life right now. I'm the danger in my life. It's always been me. I've always been broken. And there may come a day where I just can't fight anymore."_

Tears stream down Pepper's face as she watches his struggle. He's clearly drunk, but she's not sure if that makes the words more or less painful. This is a confession she knows she was never meant to see. This tape is six years old after all. He's improved so much since then.

_"I'm leaving these instructions for when I'm no longer here to protect you two."_

_"Step one. Virginia Pepper Potts, I want you to become CEO of Stark Industries. The board members may fight my decision, but I've already prepared the paperwork in case anything ever happens to me. My lawyers will give you my full support. You are my one and only heir. Your the only one who's deserving and skilled enough to take over. And the only one I trust. Don't let me down."_

_"Step two. Happy Hogan. I know we're just beginning to grow close, but I'll need someone to take care of Pepper. She's been given a difficult task, and she'll need every ounce of support. She doesn't know how amazing she is yet. She deserves so much better than me. A real man. Someone who can fully care for her the way I never could."_

_"Step three. Make my father proud. Make my mom proud. I know they're still watching over me, disappointed by my every action. Push Stark Industries into everything my dad ever wanted. I just can't disappoint them anymore. I did my best, but I was never enough. I tried. I promise I tried my best."_

_"Step four. If this is sudden, if you're receiving this wondering where I am, I'm okay. You may never see me again… And that's probably for the best. I'm probably a mess right now. You don't want to see the results of this. And please don't leave the world waiting for answers. Please don't dwell on the past. Live the wonderful lives you all deserve to have."_

Pepper wants to scream. She wants to thrash out and throw the video feed away from her, but it's only a hologram. All she can do is force herself to watch his final words.

_"I'm sorry, Pepper."_

"That video means nothing, Happy. You know it isn't relevant to the current situation."

"He doesn't want us to linger on what could've been. You heard his words. He wants us to move on and continue with our lives."

"This isn't the same thing!" she shouts angrily. Her eyes burn as salty tears stream down her face. She's lost her volume control in the flood of emotions.

"Those tapes are over six years old. They were from a different time in his life. He was drunk all the time. And sleeping with anyone that moved. He was so depressed that we almost lost him. It's different now. We're different now. He didn't have Peter. He didn't have me. Those weren't emergency preparedness instructions for Stark Industries. It was a suicide tape!"

They're both suddenly aware of how heated the discussion is becoming, and Pepper has to take a few moments to calm herself. She peaks towards Peter's bedroom to be sure her volume didn't wake the sleeping boy. She's lucky that he's a heavy sleeper.

"It's his last legal instructions before he died. It's what he wanted."

Pepper takes a few moments to catch her breath as she forces her eyes to look towards Happy. He seems almost as much as a mess as she is. She can see where his hair is greying with stress and the bags under his eyes from lack of sleep. He's in pain too. But he's holding it together for her sake. He's obeying Tony's final wishes.

They stare at each other from across the room, eyes locked in a battle for what's right for their loved ones. They both know the instructions. They need to declare Tony dead so that the world can start moving on - so the family can start moving on - but she just can't do it. She can't say goodbye just yet. She can't admit that he's dead.

"Maybe we should open a bottle of wine? Calm our nerves a little," the man finally offers. It'll calm both their nerves. And then they can continue the conversation.

"I hope you understand I'm not trying to hurt you, Pepper. I can't imagine what you're going through. You were so much closer to him than I ever was," he says calmly as they settle into the furniture. He knows the comfy furniture is no comfort from the dark tone matter of the conversation, but at least it's better than the cold marble kitchen tops that she'd been previously leaning on.

Pepper sighs to herself. She knows Happy means no harm. She knows he's trying to protect her. His one job now is to care for this family and make sure that they get this troubling time.

But even more, she knows he truly wants to make everything okay for the family. Not because he has to, but because he wants to. He would bear all the pain on his shoulders if it meant they could move on from their loss.

"I know you have good meanings. I know you really do. I'm just not ready to admit he's gone. I can't do it. Not yet. Not when we've worked so hard together to create this life for ourselves. He can't be gone already."

"You're going to have to face it eventually."

"I know. I know I can't wait forever, but I just can't do it now. I can't do it yet. It'll rip Peter apart, and I can't do it to him yet. Tony's the only living kin he has left. He doesn't even know anything is wrong. He just thinks that Tony's on an extended business trip."

"Peter's a smart kid. He'll bounce back. They all do. Because we're going to be here for him. Together."

"I can't do it yet. I'm sorry Happy. I'm not ready."

* * *

 

The wine feels good. It numbs her body. It makes her stop hurting.

For a few minutes at the end of each day, she finds herself feeling better. It only takes a cup of red wine each night before bed to calm her nerves, but she quickly finds herself becoming reliant on the routine.

And then, when she finds her heart beginning to race numerous times a day in the form of anxiety attacks, she finds the wine isn't enough. She goes to the doctor and explains her stress. She's assured it's normal and is prescribed Ativan, a lower dose anxiety medication. She's told to take it as needed, so she doesn't become reliant on the drug, and to never ever take it with alcohol.

It's never too much. Pepper's careful to not overdo the dosage of the small white pills, but she's starting to understand more and more how the masterful Tony Stark let his life slip away under the influence of drugs. There's a power to the tingly calming sensation that makes her feel safe. It makes her feel normal. She can finally sleep peacefully for a few nights.

Then the nightmares and dark thoughts begin to creep back in. Even her meds can't keep her swarming emotions at bay. She's spiraling too.

'I am loved,' she has to remind herself as tears fog up her vision. 'I have Peter and Happy and Natasha and Kai,' she thinks to herself. Listing off all the amazing people in her life should be enough support. It should be enough to make her feel wanted and loved. It should calm her down.

But it isn't enough. It's never enough to bring her down.

She craves the love of the man that was never even hers to begin with. A man she would have never considered a potential partner until he was out of her grasp. The celebrated bachelor. The elegant billionaire. The father of her child. Tony Fricken Stark.

Her bed is empty without him. It was already vacant due to its comically large size, but she's found herself even more lonely within the mountain of fresh blankets and pillows. The pressure of the weight is helpful, but it isn't the same as a warm human filling the empty space.

'He should be here. He should be with us,' Pepper thinks to herself. She can't stop crying and is becoming more and more upset with each passing breath. She can't help but feel empty without him. Her bed isn't just empty. Her life is empty too.

She sits up in her bed. She needs to fix the broken rhythm of her lungs. She's choking as she struggles to find oxygen. She needs more air.

She feels trapped, like an animal locked in a tight cage. She searches the room around her for some sort of relief. The only thing she sees is a recently open bottle of high-end red wine on the night table next to her and her bottle of anxiety meds.

The room is deathly quiet as she stares at the bottle. She knows it will soothe her pain, but she has a son right next door who could call for her at any moment. She can't drop down to Tony's levels and use alcohol to hide from her problems. She can do better.

But Tony isn't here. He doesn't need to know.

She grabs the bottle a bit forcefully as she takes it to her lips and starts to drink. She tosses a triple dose of her medicine into her mouth and uses the liquid to force the pills down her throat. The liquid isn't too strong on its own, but together it may be enough.

Her body is already starting to feel more at peace. She can feel herself breathing again as her heart rate drops to dangerous levels. She can barely enjoy the high the combination creates.

It doesn't take long before she finds herself placing the empty bottle next to the bed beside her. It slips in her fingers and smashes to the floor. She can hear the glass shatter next to her bed, but she can't find the will to pull herself from her covers to clean the mess. She can barely find the energy to think about the mess she's made.

She didn't mean to drink that much and tries to feel ashamed, but she's just too far gone under the effects of her high. She knows this was a mistake, but she can't seem to find the words to describe the situation. She just knows her family deserves better.

She's still too numb to do anything. She can't clean the mess she's made. She can't put her family back together. And she definitely can't save the man she loves.

The only difference in her life is that she's drunk and high and numb. She thinks back to Tony. She thinks back to all the times she cleaned him up after a bender. It seemed to help him, but yet she can't understand why he would ever try to fix his life this way. She doesn't feel any better than before. She might even feel worse.

She pulls up the covers with tingling fingers and tries to let herself sleep.

* * *

 

Pepper doesn't drink anymore after that night. She has the occasional glass of wine when Happy visits, but she can't do that to herself again. She can't do that to her family.

Maybe she never loved Tony Stark. Maybe she only loved everything she knew he could be. Maybe she only loved the great sides to Tony Stark that so few people are aware of. The passionate and driven inventor. The stubborn drive to impress the people around him. The caring kind man that would drop everything to protect the people he loves.

Her heart is empty as she takes to heart Tony's wishes. She can no longer deny the mixed feelings. She just doesn't love the good parts of Tony, but the horrible screwed up pieces too. She's known it all along.

She's in love with her boss. She's in love with Tony Stark.

Why had she denied it so long? Why had she acted like it wasn't there before?

She's pushed off thinking it over so many times. She had lost count of the times she thought that there was always tomorrow. And now there was no tomorrow. Tomorrow would never happen again.

She needs to face the facts. Tony Stark is dead. He is never coming home.

Her bouncing baby boy will never see his father again. He will be loved and taken care of by the rest of his family, but there would forever be something missing in his life, a gap in his heart that only a father's love could fill. The little family she worked so hard to create will be forever broken.

Pepper throws the covers off of herself. She is becoming too warm, and the blankets are suffocating her. Her emotions are boiling under her skin, becoming too much for her to deal with. She needs to get herself together before she finds herself breaking down again. She needs to stay strong for Peter.

She drags herself to the bathroom and looks into the mirror. There are bags under her eyes from the constant lack of sleep she's been experiencing over the last month. The stress of the company is something she could handle, but this has just become too much for her. She's a mess from trying to keep it together. She's a mess from fighting every moment she's awake.

Unable to face her disgusting reflection in the mirror anymore, Pepper throws on a bathrobe and leaves her room. The long hallways of the suite bring her no peace. Every corner just brings back the memories she can't escape from. All she can think of is him.

Would he feel the same if she was the one missing? Would he be as hurt by her absence? Would he accept her death so willingly? Would he miss her?

She can't help but question his feelings. She questions his motives and love for the family, including his love for her as a partner. She questions his thoughts. She examines their relationship. She challenges everything.

But then she thinks back to the final tapes that he filmed for her. She remembers his planned parting words from so long ago. She remembers his goodbye.

_I'm sorry, Pepper._

Even though the tape was meant for her and Happy, he'd explicitly apologized to her. He'd addressed her. He was sorry for the plans he was making at that moment. He was sorry for leaving her. He was disappointed in himself and needed to apologize for the hurt he was about to cause. That had to mean something. That had to say he cared.

She finds herself standing outside of Peter's bedroom. She gently nudges the door open and leans in the door frame to check in on her little boy.

Peter's okay. He's safe in his bed. He's sleeping peacefully under a thin blanket with his spider ploosh tucked firmly to his chest. His chest rises and falls with the rhythm of his deep sleep. His messy curls frame his resting eyes as he rests from a long day.

She admires his peace. His sleeping form fills her body with melatonin that finally calms her overbeating heart. Seeing her son safe and happy is enough to make her feel a little bit better. She's calm enough to think through her problems clearly.

She knows what has to be done. She can't push the inevitable off any longer. It's time they move on with their lives, even though she's fully aware of the tidal wave of pain that she's creating for the family. She knows how difficult it will indeed be.

The sooner she starts arranging for his funeral, the sooner they can begin to heal.

"I'm sorry Peter," she whispers to the room. He can't hear her. The boy only holds his toy tighter in response, but she hopes deep down that he gets it. She can just expect that deep down one day he'll understand and forgive her.

She turns and finds herself heading towards Tony's bedroom without thought. It's a place she's avoided since his disappearance. It isn't her room to enter, but she can't hold herself back anymore. She needs to say her goodbyes, and it's the closest thing she has to him really being here.

The house is quiet as she turns the handle and steps into Tony's room.

"JARVIS, lights on," she whispers to herself. She doesn't want to speak, but she has no choice. She feels that if she talks the tears will start flowing and never stop, but the room is fully automated. It won't work unless she says the command.

The lights flicker on without a response from the AI, giving her no choice but to face the undisturbed scene. The room's precisely the same as the day he left since she's been unable to accept his absence. He always refused to let the cleaning staff work on his room. Same minimalistic furniture scheme. Same messy unmade bed. Same tossed dirty clothes in the corner. Same Tony Stark spirit.

She wasn't sure of what she was expecting, but this wasn't it. Something in the back of her mind expected more. She knew he wouldn't physically be here sitting on the bed, but she expected more resolution. She expected something grander.

She can hear her phone ringing from down the hall, but she's too engulfed in her grief to care. She can't be bothered right now when she's hurting so much. She knows she needs some time to herself. She knows this is the time.

Her eyes are already burning with tears as she tries to keep herself from breaking down in sobs. She's holding everything back, but she knows she won't last much longer. She never does.

She's sitting on the edge of Tony's bed now. His smell is long gone from the sheets, and she finds herself wishing she could hold him close just one more time. She wishes he could be here to comfort her. She hopes she could say goodbye in person.

Even his dirty shirt on the bed has no scent of him remaining. She holds it close to her face, wiping her tears on the sweaty work shirt. She knows what she's doing is disgusting, but it's all she has left of him. She's desperate to find any trace of him left.

Her head buzzes as tears continue to fall. She's making herself sick in worry. She's dehydrated from crying out every last bit of moisture in her body. Her head pounds as a migraine begins to grow in the back of her head. If she doesn't get herself under control soon, she knows tomorrow's workday will be impossible.

And then there's that ringing sound. Her phone is still ringing again and again. It's obnoxious. She can hear it echoing down the long hallways, digging into the back of her head like nails. Sometimes it stops for a few minutes, but she finds herself becoming enraged as it picks up again.

"JARVIS who is calling me at two in the morning?" she finally asks angrily.

"It's a private caller marked high priority. I can't track the source," the AI quickly answers.

She sighs. Why can't they stop calling for five minutes? Why can't she be left alone in her grief? But she knows how stubborn the people at Stark Industries can be. If she doesn't pick up, they'll just continue ringing until she does.

"JARVIS, please patch the call through to the communication system in Tony's room."

She only has to wait a few seconds before she can hear the echoing stop. The ringing fills the room for just a moment until she can hear the call automatically answered by JARVIS.

"Hello. This is Pepper Potts speaking. May I ask who I'm speaking with?" she asks as she holds Tony's shirt close. She needs every bit of comfort at this moment. She just hopes her customer service voice is believable enough for whoever's waking her.

"Hello, Miss Potts. This is Bernard from the Office of the Director of National Intelligence. I'm so sorry for calling you at this hour, but it's urgent," the voice says.

Pepper nods to herself and mutters a response to acknowledge him. She can remember the many interviews from when Tony was initially declared missing. They'd spoken many times before, but their conversation has slowed as the leads thinned. She hadn't heard from him in months. Things had become hopeless very quickly since then.

"We've made a development in Tony Stark's case," he continues.

Pepper's heart stops for a moment. She can't do this again. She can't be filled with false hope when she was so close to accepting her loss. She can't be hurt anymore by the loss. She was so close to moving on, but the words send a rush of courage through her once more.

"Really? Are you any closer to finding him?" she asks quickly. She needs to know.

"We found him. He's coming home."

The room spins around her. Her eyes ache as tears of happiness force their way through, but her body is still too drained to get anything out. Her stomach flips as grief turns into excitement and relief floods her system. She's waited so long to hear those words.

Tony's alive. Tony's coming home.

The man on the phone keeps speaking, keeps giving Pepper instructions for his return, but Pepper barely hears another word. Something about a heart injury he's experienced while he was away, but none of it matters as long as he's alive. He's going to be here soon. She'll be seeing him in less than ten hours.

There's so much to do. Pepper can barely imagine the sort of trauma he's experienced while so far away and she needs to do everything possible to make sure he has an easy return.

She'll need to make sure the house is spotless. It's grown out of control, and he deserves a safe space to come home to. Next, she'll need to arrange pickups and make sure paparazzi doesn't overwhelm him as they leave the airport. And if he is suffering from a damaged heart, she'll need to arrange medical personnel to examine him right away. It's a lot to do.

Pepper jumps out of bed and throws herself into the shower. It's still late, but she can't look like this when he arrives. She needs to be there for him. She needs to be his rock.

She tosses an Ativan in her mouth as she throws on cheap clothes for cleaning the house. It's still late, so she's careful to work quietly as she gets to work. There's a large amount of cleaning to do, but she's confident that she can get it done with her new found ambition. She plays catch up the only way a mother knows how.

She cancels her following meetings and is immediately bombarded with texts from angry shareholders. She doesn't care. They can suck it. She'll be taking a few days off. A week if she wants to. Right now her family needs her more.

* * *

 

This wasn't supposed to happen. It was supposed to be an easy mission, a simple plan to infiltrate Stark Industries. Work her way up the chain as a secretary to the top lawyers in the country, do whatever it takes to get close to the family, learn more about the power supply that the company's working on, and download all files related to their weapon technology.

The training is so ingrained into her that she cannot ignore her orders. Do anything necessary to keep the world safe. Whatever it takes. No matter the consequences. No matter who she has to hurt. She knows what she has to do.

After months of work behind a desk, she's finally making progress on the case. She's getting so close to the information that she's been tasked to retrieve. She eventually finds herself taking a leap forward in an otherwise tough mission. There's just one final speed bump on the road to her victory.

Tony Stark is missing in action. He may even be dead, not even SHIELD is aware of his status. Still, she finds herself closer than ever before. She has the house to herself most of the day as she cares for Peter. JARVIS is none the wiser to the intruder that's crawled her way in. And she takes every opportunity to search for the information she needs.

All she needs to do is insert the thumb drive to start downloading every bit of the files, but she has no access to the complicated frame that is Tony's house. She needs access to Tony's lab. She knows it's the main entry port to the computer system, but with the man declared missing, only Pepper Potts has access. And she can't think of a possible excuse to get inside.

Natasha can only continue to stay undercover and try to grow closer to the family in the meantime. It's the only possible way to gain access to the lab. If she continues to care for the small family whenever possible, taking extra effort to console Pepper whenever possible, surely she'll find a way in. Pepper is the key to Tony's lab.

But she never expected to actually start caring for the Stark family. Her heart was opening up as she watched the way they fought to stay brave in a hopeless situation. Natasha couldn't say anything, but if SHIELD couldn't find Tony Stark with their pool of worldwide resources, the chances he was alive were slim. Natasha had given up long ago.

Each time she conversed with Pepper over a cup of quick tea, she could see the fight in the woman's eyes. She was one of the most influential people the spy had ever met. Pepper never gave up hope, and she couldn't help but admire the way she remained strong around her son. She was the rock of the family, but unafraid to cry when surrounded by friends.

That was the only way to describe it. Natasha had become her friend. Not a fake friend that was listening to find words to be used later, but a true friend that really cared and wanted to help her survive. She cared for this woman.

That wasn't even the full extent of her emotion. If Natasha cared for Pepper, then she truly loved Peter. Natasha wasn't sure when she'd started to fall for the boy. All she knew was that he had a vortex of love that surrounded him. The way he cares for every person he meets is addictive. He cares for everyone he meets so profoundly. The nanny never stood a chance.

(And there's something about his messy brown curls and big doe-like eyes that are just irresistible. Maybe even superhuman in power.)

She finds herself caring for the boy much more than she had ever planned, much more than she ever thought possible. His power is just too much. She finds herself treating him like the son she could never have.

She's unsure how this will affect her mission. She's confused and lost and doesn't know what to do with the forced orders she has from her higher-ups. She doesn't want to screw over these beautiful people. For the first time in her life, she doesn't want to leave when the mission is over.

It's not like it matters anyway. Natasha doesn't have to worry about leaving anytime soon since she's at a dead end. Tony Stark isn't here. She cannot continue the investigation without him. And SHIELD won't pull her back anytime soon with her so close.

All she can do right now is focus on keeping the family together. Any day now funeral preparations will start, and she'll be needed more than ever. It gives her time to find another way out. She'll figure something out by then. She has to.

"JARVIS, please take me to the penthouse suite," she says once she's in the elevator.

The elevator whirs as it starts it's long descent into the highest peak of Stark Towers. Most of the offices are closed this early in the morning, but her shift begins much earlier than most. When there's a young boy to prepare for school, you need to be up before dawn breaks. Natasha needs to be there bright and early to help him get ready for school.

When the elevator doors open, she can immediately feel a change of atmosphere in the suite. There's a different flow to the energy of the space. Things seem… Better.

The first thing she notices as she steps towards the kitchen is the shining floors. Not only are the floors mopped clean, but they've been recently waxed too. It seems even the toys that usually litter every surface are all neatly tucked away. Every inch of the suite is spotless.

Natasha had tried continuously to clean since she is the nanny, but Pepper insisted otherwise. She was hired to care for Peter. The mess wasn't too important. Peter needed to be her top priority.

She briefly remembers mentions of a housekeeper and wonders if Pepper has hired someone to clean the usually messy house, but it's quite the ungodly hour for someone to be cleaning. And it was only last night that the house had been its usual mess.

And it smells warm, like cinnamon french toast. The nanny can smell freshly baked cookies throughout the small space of the foyer. Her mouth floods in excitement as she sets her purse down and she heads inside to investigate the aroma.

Her eyes burrow in confusion when she enters the kitchen. Pepper's taking out another batch of fresh cookies and placing it on the counter. She seems tired, exhausted even, but at the same time, she looks much more at peace than she has been for the past few weeks.

Natasha has to quickly check her watch to make sure she's on time - she must be early for her shift - but the time is correct, which only grows her suspicions more. This is odd for the family she's recently grown to know. Pepper is a fantastic mom, but she's usually too distracted with work to do any housekeeping. She doesn't even usually see Peter before work.

"Someone's in a great mood today. Did I miss something?" Natasha asks in a joking voice. She doesn't want to push too far, but all her spy senses are going off. Something has changed.

Pepper Potts ushers her over, and they lean closely together as if she's about to tell a secret that no one can know. This just confuses the spy even further.

"I got a call in the middle of the night. Tony's been found. He's coming home later today."

Natasha's expression changes for only a second before she can push down her confusion and excitement. Surely SHIELD must have been aware that he was on his way? If so, why hadn't they made her aware that he had been found? Why didn't they brief her before her shift?

"That's great Pepper," she says as she moves in for a gentle hug. The woman relaxes in her arms. Natasha can feel all the tenseness that had burdens her muscles finally gone. She seems much healthier than before.

Natasha takes a seat at the breakfast nook as Pepper continues to prepare breakfast for Peter. She's making his favorite food: chocolate chip pancakes.

As she works, she catches up Natasha with all of that night's happenings, only leaving out the desperate break down that happened moments before she received the call. She's told about the late-night call, the hours spent cleaning since, and all the excitement bubbling within her.

The energy is contagious. There's a joyful resolution in the spirit of the air. And despite the millions of thoughts rushing through Natasha's mind on the status of her mission with Tony's return, she can't help but feel happy for the family. She's overjoyed to see her friend so whole again. She can't wait to see the look on Peter's face when he wakes up to the excellent news.

"Well, it's about time for me to wake Peter for school," she says as she checks her watch. "I imagine you'll want to do that yourself though, so you can tell him the good news?"

Pepper pauses in her actions. She takes a moment before places the pancakes neatly on the plate in front of her. "I'm actually not telling Peter," she says matter of factly.

Natasha pauses. Despite all of her training, she's not sure what to say in response. She doesn't have the right words to reply. She doesn't understand why Pepper would keep this news from her son. They always seemed to emotionally close. They were meant to take care of each other.

"I'm sorry. I don't think I heard you right. You aren't telling Peter?"

Pepper shakes her head before gripping tightly on the counter and releasing a long breath. She's unsure of her herself as she speaks. "I know I should. He's Peter's dad. Peter deserves to know, but I need to protect him for just a little bit longer. I just need to see Tony first. I need to make sure everything's really okay before I bring him back into Peter's life."

Natasha isn't sure of what to say. She hasn't thought this far ahead. She's never imagined that Tony would return. It never even crossed her mind that this would be something Peter would need to be protected from, but Pepper always seems to be two steps ahead.

Tony Stark was held captive. And he's injured. He probably won't be in the best shape, physically or mentally. It might not be safe for him to be around Peter just yet.

"You'll back me up on this?" she hears from across the room from Pepper. The tone rises the smallest bit on the last word. This isn't an order to the nanny. It's a question for a friend.

Natasha doesn't even need to think. She'll support whatever Pepper decides. She will be the friend the family needs in this time of crisis. She'll be here.

"Of course," she replies gently.

* * *

 

The air is warm and dry today. Pepper can feel the heat of the burning sun as the light reflects off the black tar of the runway. But it's nothing to the warmth inside she feels as she watches the plane takedown in front of her.

This is it. This is everything Pepper's been dreaming off for the last three months.

She finally has her chance to tell Tony how she's felt all this time, how scared she's been in his absence. How every night since his departure she's found herself in an eternal struggle of love and death. How much she truly needs him in her life. She's prepared the words in her head, practiced them over and over as she cleaned.

They've all lived together before. Pepper was Peter's mom, and he was Peter's dad, but they were never real parents. They weren't partners. She wants things to change when he moves back in. She wants them to be a real family now. She wants to do things together.

She hasn't even had a chance to consider the unlikely scenario of Tony not wanting a life partner, let alone being life partners with her. She's so sure that his final words on the tape meant something more. Tony was admitting something profound to her in those last words.

She watches as the jet opens slowly. The silence is painful in the unusually warm Spring heat.

When she sees Tony in the jet, she's taken aback. The man is sitting in a folding wheelchair. He looks moments away from death and extremely vulnerable in his state. Most of the color is gone from his already pale skin, and she can't help but notice how skinny he is. She can barely imagine the pain he's experiencing.

He's not only drained from a lack of nutrition, but she can see numerous injuries on his body as stands from the wheelchair. The pain is hidden under gritted teeth, but she knows him too well. He can't hide any of his pain from her.

His arm is wrapped with a sling, and he's holding it painfully close to his chest. He's got small marks all over his face from recently cleaned cuts that are still healing. He can barely even manage to walk straight and relies on another man to move.

Yet he's still Tony Stark. Even when he refuses to use the wheelchair or gurney that's prepared for him. He's adorned in a high-end suit jacket that he can't get his broken arm through. His beard has been recently trimmed, and his hair washed to be presentable. And he holds his head high as he walks off the plane.

She can't help but smile in his direction. She's so close to crying tears of joy but bites her lower lip to steady herself. Her heart beats rapidly as he slowly approaches.

She's not sure what she expects him to say, but she notices that he's got his closed-off face. He's putting on a show, though she's not sure if it's for her or the people surrounding them.

He twitches his lip as he looks her over. "Hmm," he hums as he takes the last few remaining steps between them, closing off the space that she's hated for so long. She inhales his scent for the first time in months, and it's almost too much for her. Almost.

But in that small moment, Pepper already knows that it isn't the time. She won't use the words she's so diligently prepared for him. She won't say the things her heart desires.

She sees it now. It's hidden behind a brick wall, but she can see the pain as she looks deep into his eyes. He's closed off because he's scared. He's terrified that things may come crashing down in an already broken situation. He's been through so much.

"Your eyes are red," he says in a matter of fact way. It's a simple stern statement, but Pepper knows what it means. It means the first thing he searched for when off the plane was her eyes, just as she had done when he approached. "Few tears for your long lost boss?"

She can see the slightest curve of his mouth in his words. She knows he's joking. She can see how relieved he actually is to see her here. That's all that matters for now.

"Tears of joy," she replies with a cheesy grin. She's just so happy to have him back, even if that means joking around with him like before all this happened. Playful bickering is much easier than confessing feelings. "I hate job hunting."

He only watches for a moment longer before she sees that look of panic returning in his eyes. She's used to the flicker. She's seen it before. It pangs her with fear. It's the look he has before beginning to spiral. He isn't well.

"Yea. Vacation's over."

They're quiet as they enter the car together. He keeps his head forcibly in front of him, making it hard for Pepper to read his eyes any longer. She knows the man is trying to keep himself focused so that he can avoid showing his emotions. She holds her gaze on him anyway.

"Where to sir?" Happy asks from the front of the car. Pepper can't help but admire his professionalism. She's moments from breaking down in Tony's lap herself, yet he acts as nothing has changed.

"Take us to the hospital please Happy," she says before she's interrupted by a swift no from Tony. He's refusing medical care.

She furrows her brows as she faces him. She can barely believe what she's hearing. He's out of his mind. He's finally lost it. His body is broken. He needs to see a doctor. "No? Tony, you have to go to the hospital."

"No's a complete answer," he says under his breath. It's so quiet Pepper can barely hear it, but it's there. He's trying to put his foot down before she can argue with him.

"You have to go to the hospital," she says in reply. Tony's arm is clearly broken, and he's still in a large amount of pain. He could barely walk straight moments earlier. She feels like she can't back down until she knows he's safe.

"I don't have to do anything. I've been in captivity for three months."

She swallows at those words. The intensity of the situation is evident in the strictness of his voice. He just wants to move past his trauma. He can't be dragged down by it any longer. Knowing this is his only way of fighting against his upcoming struggle, she knows she has to give in, no matter how much stress it brings her.

"There are three things I want to do. I want an American cheeseburger. I want to see my son." Instead of continuing the list, he stares at her with a spark in his eyes for a few moments. She can see the fire burning behind them. It's something he cares deeply about. Something that's changing within the man.

"And the other…"

"That's enough," she tells him. This isn't the time or place for either of them to confess their feelings. She doesn't want to hear the words said like this. Not when he's in so much pain.

"It's not what you think. I want you to call for a press conference now."

"Call for a press conference? What on Earth for?" she finds herself asking. The words flow from her mouth before she can stop them. There's an insulted intensity to her tone. This wasn't at all what she was expecting him to say.

He nods his head once. "Hogan drive. Cheeseburger first."

Pepper can only stare in disbelief. She must be out of her mind to love this man. But she does.


	5. Reunited

 

 

Bad things always happen in threes in the Parker bloodline.

A rule thrust upon Peter from the day he was born. His family had titled it the Parker Curse, though he was too young to understand the implications of the words. It bonded his family together in a tragic irony sort of way, but his family had passed way too soon, and he now had no one to prepare him for the life of sorrow he had ahead.

Only days after his birth, his stepfather dies in a tragic car accident. They aren’t blood-related, not real kin in any way more than words, but this man was ready to care for Peter as his son. He was prepared to adopt the boy as his own and become the only father figure he’d ever need.

That was his first significant tragedy in the young boy’s lifetime, though he was too young for his parents to teach him the lesson properly. People leave the world too early sometimes. You never know when you’ll be sentenced to lose someone you love. You need to love them as much as you can while they’re still with you.

He was lucky that he was too young to love his stepfather properly. It made the loss much more palatable, but in a way, he’d lost something he never truly knew. He’d never get the chance to meet the man that was Richard Parker. There were so many life-changing moments that he would miss out on, but there was one massive thing that was the hardest on his mother. He’d never get the chance to feel her husband’s love.

The second significant loss came overnight on the young boy. Only a few months old and he becomes deathly ill and almost loses his life. His mother does all she can to care for the young crying baby that can’t seem to sleep no matter what she tries, but there’s no way the now single mother can prepare herself for the way the heat rushes through his shaken body.

His mom loathes the Parker curse that night. She isn’t ready to lose someone close so soon, but she knows two horrible things will happen to her soon enough. She still has two cruel acts coming for her. And she isn’t prepared to lose the only family she has left.

As she holds her son close to her body, changing the cold, wet cloth over and over, she debates if she can afford the hospital bills, to get him the proper care he needs. She fights with herself about how urgent his sickness really is, because she can barely afford to keep a roof over their heads, let alone the costs of abhorrent medical bills.

She decides to give him one more night under her constant watch, hoping desperately that his fever will break on its own. She holds him close to her own body and doesn’t sleep a drop that night, keeping an eye on him every second, ready to rush to the hospital if needed.

One more chance for the boy pulled between death and financial hardship with an already heartbroken mother — the second strike in a horrible beginning.

And somehow, he manages to survive against all the odds. He doesn’t die that night. The second strike in Parker’s life hasn’t succeeded in killing him. The fever breaks at three in the mourning, slowly evening out over the next few days, leaving the boy to face the world ahead of him.

There was only one more tragedy ahead of him in his cycle of three.

The rest of his first year of development was pretty average. He grows into a bouncing baby boy with dangling curls and large doe-like brown eyes. He seems to be developing at a standard rate, though his mother is a bit worried that he’s smaller than the other boys in his age bracket. (She’s assured that he’s just a picky eater, but there’s always something inside her waiting for something terrible to happen.)

She never gets the chance to help Peter through the third hardship of his life or tell him about the Parker Curse. The tragedy was never hers, to begin with. The bad luck always belonged to him, the boy with the hardest life ahead of him.

The tragedy was always going to be the loss of his mother. The person he relied on most, the only person he’d known since his very birthing. A person he loved so much that he can feel her watching him at night, but will never be able to hold again.

At least with the cycle broken, he can learn to love again.

* * *

 

It’s been so long since he’s seen her beautiful eyes in his dreams, but the memory of his mother’s face is forever engraved onto his soul. When he’s having his most fearful times in life, he can feel her presence trickling into his dreams to comfort him. Sometimes he can hear her voice saying words that don’t make sense or smell the sweet perfume of her skin, but no matter how hard he tries, he can never reach far enough to feel her warm skin against his.

Who is this woman and why does he dream of her so often? He can sense her importance, he can feel a connection to her, but he can’t place the feeling. He tries not to dwell on the idea of the woman, but every time he stops obsessing over her, she returns to him again.

Something inside him screams Mom, but even in his dreamscape, he knows that can’t be right. Pepper is his mom. She’s the only mom he’s ever known and the only mom he’ll ever need. And Pepper smells and feels distinctly different. This woman clearly isn’t Pepper.

Even if he doesn’t understand his dreams, he always finds himself feeling comforted when they trickle back in. With these last few extremely tough months of his life filled with so much misery, he welcomes every ounce of comfort he can get. He needs to feel safe and loved, with his dad so far gone, and his mom often too busy for him.

He breathes in the scent of her as he relaxes into her essence. He still can’t reach her, but he can feel the tenseness in his muscles washing away and finds happiness flowing through him from being close to her.

Despite the temporary comfort, he finds himself yearning for more. He can’t really make out the colors of the woman. All he can see is the blur of her shape. She’s somehow even more blurry than usual, and he can’t focus his eyes enough to examine her properly. He squeezes his eyes as he tries to adjust them manually, but he can’t get the image to balance correctly.

_“Peter….”_

He knows that the words aren’t coming from the woman, even if he can’t see her lips to read them. There’s something about this voice that’s different. He can recognize it, but he’s too in bliss to work out the puzzle.

He feels the world begin to shake around him as his shoulder gently moves. There’s no hand there, but he can sense someone reaching out to him, interrupting the relaxation he so rightly deserves. He doesn’t understand why someone would take him away from the woman that makes him so happy.

He tries to reach out for his mom one more time. He’s no longer comforted by her presence, but desperate to push through all the obstacles in his way. He can feel the anxiety bubbling within, and he needs relief before his dream crashes in around him. He needs to find out who she is right this moment.

He knows he could reach her if he just tried harder. He needs to work harder. He could do it if he weren’t such a failure. His dad would be so ashamed of him.

_“Peter. It’s time to get up for school….”_

All he can do is reach out into the nothingness of his dreams, the blue and purple swirls that dance around him playfully. He’s so close now that he can feel his heart aching in his chest, with fingers only inches apart from touching, but it’s too late. He’s too slow. The world starts to darken around him as he finds himself awakening.

He groans to himself as he feels his blankets cocooning him once more. He isn’t ready to face the world, even if he loves the chance to go to school and learn something new. He just wants to return to the comfort of his dreams.

“Five more minutes, Auntie Tasha,” the boy begs as he pulls the covers over his head in protest. He rolls over in his bed to face away from her, hoping to go back to sleep and return to his dreams.

He can hear Natasha’s chuckle through the thin blanket wall he’s created. He usually has a never-ending flow of energy, but the nanny has quickly learned that the boy loves nothing more than the warm comfort of his bed. This is a battle she struggles with every morning, though she doesn’t mind playing with him a bit. She’s starting to develop a soft spot for him.

“It’s time to get up little one. We let you sleep in a bit today, but it’s time to get up and eat breakfast. You know it isn’t the same without you there Peter.”

Peter whines in protest once more, but it’s more of a playful whine this time. He knows he’ll never win a battle against his Auntie Tasha, but it’s fun for him to him to try. He can’t help but push the boundaries of his guardians a bit, so he knows what he can get away with.

“There’s a surprise waiting in the kitchen for you. Your mom stayed home from work, and she’s made you a very special breakfast. She really wants to see you. Don’t you want to spend some time with her before you leave?”

“No,” he says with a giggle as he wiggles under the blankets and squeezes his eyes shut. His tone is playful, he’s actually quite excited that he gets to see his mother before school, but there’s something about the sweet warmth under his blanket that he doesn’t want to escape either. He has to try at least to fight it.

“I guess I’ll just have to go without you then. I’ll just need to grab one thing to bring with me. It’s kind of cold over here,” the boy's Auntie says with a suspicious giggle. Before Peter has a chance to prepare himself, he feels the blanket being pulled off of him. He tries to reach for it, but it’s too late. She’s already gone.

He finds himself quickly waking up as the fresh morning air rushes in around him. He curls in on himself at first to preserve his body heat, but he has to get up anyway and finds himself rubbing his tired eyes as he pulls himself from his bed instead. He blinks a few times as he adjusts to the light around him. He can’t stand mornings.

“Come get your blanket, Peter! Your pancakes are getting cold,” she shouts through the walls.

Peter’s excitement levels rise as the surprise is ruined, but he doesn’t care. Pancakes are still his favorite kind of breakfast food. He’s used to a quick bowl of cereal or toast since his mom became busy with work, a warm meal just reminds him of a time when his dad was still here with them. It sounds like a perfect start to his day.

He runs down the hallway until he reaches the open kitchen. He quickly passes his blanket and runs right up to his mom instead, throwing his arms around her as he hugs her side. He feels so much better in her warm arms. Even the cold morning air can’t hold him back.

He looks up at her and quickly notes that she seems much better today. She’s been really depressed the last few days, so Peter has been doing his best to act extra happy and give her lots of hugs. He wants to take care of her with his father gone. He’s glad to see that all his work is paying off.

“How are you feeling today, mommy?” he asks as she lifts him into her arms.

“I’m good, Peter. Thanks for asking baby. How are you today?”

Peter thinks about it. He still misses his dad, and his dream lingers in the back of his mind, but he’s happy to see that his mom is feeling better. If she’s acting more upbeat, surely, that means that his dad will be coming home soon. He trusts his mom’s instincts.

“I’m fine. Thanks for the pancakes,” Peter says as his mom places him in his seat at the kitchen island, where his breakfast is set up and waiting for him. She tucks his blanket around him and kisses his head before returning to the sink to continue washing dishes.

He digs into the pancakes. They’re delicious as usual - his mom is the best cook in the world. His legs swing at the table as he scarfs down the meal excitedly.

Peter can’t help but notice that something is different in the Stark household today. Even though he’s a young boy, he finds himself very tuned into the world around him. There’s a lighter air around his family, and his mom is in a much higher mood. The fact that she’s home is a good sign for their future, but the smile on her face is contagious.

Maybe it’s the lightness of the world around him, but Peter can take his first deep breath in weeks. He’s so busy trying to stay positive for his mother’s sake that he hasn’t had much time actually to be sad. He’s refused to burden his mother with his sadness.

And the truth is he’s becoming depressed. He’s a generally delightful child, but so much has been going on with the loss of his father. There’s been a lot of changes in his life that he can’t ignore.

He misses his dad desperately. They were never that close, but he was always comforted by the warmth brought on by his father’s presence. He admires the man. Having his father around gave him something to strive towards. He wants to be just like his dad when he grows up, and he spends time each day trying to earn his father’s pride.

And with his dad gone, he needs his mother’s support more than ever. But the help he needs has become less than before. His mother is burdened with the weight of his father’s company, and she doesn’t have as much time for him. They are doing much less together. He barely even sees her during the week.

He has his Auntie Tasha. She’s here to care for him when his mother can’t. He finds some relief in his Aunt’s arms, but it isn’t the same as when his mother holds him close. She doesn't pull him in the same way. Sometimes he just needs his mom.

That’s probably why he hides his sadness from his mother. She has enough to deal with right now. He loves her so much that he didn’t want to make things any harder for her right now.

He needs to stay strong for his mom. He needs to be the rock of the family.

* * *

 

Today is a Parker Curse sort of day.

Despite the great start, there’s a presence of dread he can’t escape from. He tries to ignore it, to enjoy a good healthy breakfast alongside the presence of his family, but there’s a burning ember of worry in the back of his mind that tells him something is off.

At least at school, he has enough things to concentrate on that he can distract himself from lingering dread. His love of learning makes school one of his favorite places and has been something he can rely on in these difficult times. Plus he gets to see his best friend, which is always a plus when he’s feeling down.

He sits alongside Ned, which is sometimes to the detriment of his studies, but the teachers want to give the shy boy something positive right now. Seeing his friend’s familiar face after a night of active dreams is reassuring.

It isn’t that the dreams are scary, but they always leave him in a state of exhaustion the next day. He feels comforted, but he’s still completely exhausted.

“Peter?” he finally hears through his closed eyes. He shakes his head a bit to focus on the room around him instead of his thoughts. He needs to concentrate on the teacher but keeps drifting off. He’s comforted when he realizes the voice only belongs to Ned.

“Did you see the new episode of Kim Possible last night?” he asks again.

Peter laughs to himself. He still can’t get over his best friend’s obsession with the show. Ned says he’s into it for the cool superhero stuff, but it’s clear he just has a crush on the protagonist. He indulges in his friend’s thoughts anyway.

“No. You know my mom doesn’t let me watch that much TV. Was it good?”

Ned goes on describing the episode to him, though Peter quickly finds himself drifting off again. He wants to listen, but he only catches the last bit of the conversation.

“I’m telling you. One day I’m gonna be a man in the chair.”

“I promise if I ever become a superhero, you can be my man in the chair,” he promises, partly because he loves to see the smile that crosses his best friend’s face when Peter pledges, but also because he knows that will never happen. He’ll never be super in any way.

Peter lets his eyes drift off until the teacher enters and class begins. He forces himself to focus on the board ahead of him as she starts speaking.

Peter’s in grade one, only just starting to get initiated in the world of learning around him, but his teachers already find his knack for learning promising. He’s mature for his age, always polite in class, cares for the students around him, and has a perfect memory. Their excitement just drives him on to learn even more.

Up until his father’s disappearance, the boy got near-perfect grades, even if his homework is quite simple. Working on his homework was a nightly task he’d share with his mother, but he’s become less excited for learning these past few months and has found it slipping through his fingers. With everything going on in his life right now, most of his teachers give him a pass as long as he participates, which he always does.

When the teacher starts handing out tests, Peter’s already returning to his usual good mood. He knows he aced this math test; all of the answers seemed easy enough, so he’s hugely shocked when the teacher places the test on his desk face down.

_That’s never a good sign…_

He flips the test over and focuses on the grade. In red pen markings, with a circle around it, is a large C- that Peter can’t ignore. He can barely believe it. He was so sure that he did much better. The answers had seemed so simple when he wrote them down on the blank lined sheet.

“Oh wow, man. That sucks,” Ned whispers to reassure him after peaking over his desk. He knows his friend usually does better, but he’s trying to play it cool. He doesn’t want Peter to get upset in class with so many other children around.

“It’s fine. I’m fine,” Peter says to end the conversation quickly. He doesn’t need Ned’s pity. He jams the test in his backpack, dreading the moment he faces tonight when he’ll have to get the test signed by his mother. He feels a pit in his stomach at the thought of disappointing her or adding to her growing pit of worries.

He isn’t okay. He can barely speak any more words as he holds back the tears are forming in his eyes. His throat feels tight and his young chest aches. He can feel his disappointing welling up inside him as he fills with anxiety.

_Your dad’s a genius, and you fail another test? He would be so ashamed of you._

Even if the thoughts aren’t real, he can’t help but feel them. He knows his mother would tell him it’s okay; everyone fails sometimes. She won’t be angry with him. But his father would be highly disappointed in him. He would expect his only son to do better.

He needs to be stronger. His father would never cry like this.

Strong men don’t cry about disappointing results.

* * *

 

The second strike of the day is less heartbreaking but much harder on his little six-year-old body, and much more painful on his tummy.

He’s already quiet from earlier. He’s tired from a bad night’s sleep and ashamed for the test he needs to get signed tonight. He’s scared to face her with her failures when she was in such a good mood earlier and wracked with guilt. He can’t bear to be the one to ruin her mood.

Things only get worse when his teacher announces that it’s time for lunch, and his fellow classmates reach into their backpacks to grab their lunch bags.

Peter’s stomach is growling. Despite the large breakfast this morning, but he’s a very energetic boy who and spent the first recess being chased by his best friend. His body is craving more calories to help him grow properly.

He reaches into his bag, shocked as he grabs at empty air instead of the superhero lunch bag he’s expecting. He sits there for a few moments as he searches before giving up. Dread rushes through him as he realizes he didn’t grab it from the fridge this morning. He left his lunch at home.

He tries to play it off. He’s seen the look in the teacher’s eyes when they learn some of the students can’t afford to bring food. He doesn’t want his mom to get in trouble for something that’s clearly his fault or get the pity of his classmates. This is something he has to keep to himself. He’ll just have to wait it out.

He zips up his bag and lays his head on his desk instead, holding his arms around his head in an attempt to recreate the warmth of his bed. Even with his eyes closed, this trick doesn’t work. It shields him off from the room around him, but his stomach is cramping too much for this to be his safe space.

“Aren’t you hungry Peter?” Ned asks when he notices Peter isn’t eating.

Peter peaks over to his friend’s lunch. A simple sandwich, a baggy of dry cereal, and a baggy with a tiny amount of grapes. Even compared to his usual home cooked lunches, the meal looks delicious, but he shakes his head in response. He doesn’t want to risk letting his teacher know that his bag is empty.

“Did you forget your lunch?” his friend whispers quietly.

Peter debates admitting his mistake, but he knows Ned would share his lunch with him, and he can’t allow that. His friend already has so little food in front of him. He can’t take anything from him. He knows Ned’s family struggles with money and taking anything from him wouldn’t feel right.

“No. I’m just not feeling well today,” he mutters as he puts his face back into his arms. It isn’t really a lie. He’s been tired and distracted all day, so he hopes that Ned will accept the excuse. Ned only hums in response as he continues eating, which Peter is grateful for.

He squeezes his eyes shut once again, doing his best to block out the noisy chatter of the room around him, to squeeze out the shitty day he’s having so far.

Mostly he just squeezes them shut to keep himself from crying.

* * *

 

There has to be a final strike. That’s how these things always happen to Peter. The curse lingers over him all day waiting for the perfect opportunity to make his already tedious day worse.

Peter isn’t aware of it yet, but the third strike will be the worst one. It’ll be the hardest thing that the world can throw at him in his time of crisis — a lost mother, a disappointed father, a nightmare that he can’t shake for days. His bad luck cycle needs to end before he can begin anew.

Ned is inside the school when the third strike happens. Peter’s all alone during recess, sitting against the school wall with his cramping stomach and foggy depressed mind, just waiting for the day to pass so that he can go home and crawl into his warm bed. He just wants the day to end already. He’s too damaged to handle any more bad news.

He keeps his hoodie wrapped around his head to shield him from the bustling world around him, feeling easily overwhelmed with his life so out of balance. He’s hiding in the shadows at the edge of the playground, the cold brick wall standing strong behind him. The steadiness of the wall helps to ground him, but it isn’t enough to fix the pit of guilt swirling within him.

With his arms wrapped around his tightly curled form, he should be invisible to most of the students. They would normally leave him alone. But without his best friend by his side to protect him, he’s become easy prey for the school bully. Flash seeks him out like a predator tracking his prey.

“Hey loser,” Flash snickers as he approaches the already sullen boy. A group of kids tag alongside him in support, too afraid to say anything and become a target themselves. They don’t know what's wrong with Flash, but they know better than to get in his way.

“I’m not in the mood today, Flash,” Peter mutters under his breath, though he immediately knows as a mistake. He should have kept his mouth shut, but he’s just too tired to filter his words today. He just wants to go home.

“I heard you got a C minus on your today. What are you? Stupid?”

Peter keeps his eyes on the ground as he picks at the small pebbles beneath him. Playing with the rocks give him a distraction from the situation around him, something for him to stim with as he tries to stay calm. Tears are already brimming in his eyes from earlier, but Peter holds them back. He doesn’t want to seem weaker than he already is.

“I thought you were Tony Stark’s genius boy. Not so smart I guess if you can’t even do simple math equations. They’ll kick you out if you keep failing, you know. They don’t let dumb asses go to fancy schools like ours.”

Peter tries to shake his head to himself in defiance. He knows his father pays a lot for him to go here, but surely they wouldn’t kick him out. He’s only six years old.

“Guess you’re just stupid like your mom.”

“My mom’s not stupid!” he finally shouts in response. Peter looks up at Flash and realizes this is what the bully wanted all along. He was trying to get a reaction from him, and he won. There’s a winning smile stretched along Flash’s stupid face.

“Sure she is. Anyone who loves Tony Stark must be stupid. Why would she even want a child with him? We all know you were a mistake no one wanted. And now she’s stuck with you.” His friends sneer around him, nodding along to his horrible insults. This just edges the bully on more.

“Tony Stark doesn’t love anyone. Not your mom. Not his slimy brat of a kid. No one.”

“He loves me,” is all Peter can mumble in response. He’s not even sure if Flash can hear the reaction with how quietly he says the words. He doesn’t care what the bully says anymore. He knows his family loves him.

“If he loves you, why did he leave you?”

“He didn’t leave me,” Peter shouts as tears finally burst from his eyes, immediately streaming down the redness of his face. He feels hot and his heart hammers in his chest. He stims with the little pebbles in his hands, but he’s too far gone for it to calm him anymore.

“He did. And he isn’t coming back. That’s why your mom took over Stark Industries. My dad told me so. He left you both to rot,” says Flash grinning. Even the children around him seem hesitant at this point, but they don’t say a word.

“Leave me alone!” Peter finally shouts, unable to keep his emotions under control any longer. He stands up urgently and throws the pebbles he’s collected at the small group of kids. It does no damage, but Flash has already decided that he’s finished since he’s made himself known as the alpha of the playground.

Peter slides back down the wall as tears continue to stream down his face.

He’s never really considered his dad’s absence or his mother’s new job. He’s just trusted that everything will turn out right, even if he’s a bit lonely in the meantime, but what if this is what his life will be like now that his dad’s gone.

_Tony Stark doesn’t love anyone._

_Guess you’re just stupid like your mom._

Was he stupid for loving his dad? No. Tony Stark was the most exceptional person on the planet. He was lucky to have him as a father.

But what Flash said could be right. Even if Tony was home, it’s not like the two had many interactions. Peter was much closer to his mother. His father usually locked himself away in his workshop and didn’t take much interest in his son.

He’d never even told him he loved him. Peter just assumed that his father loved him. He could be wrong. He was just a stupid emotional kid after all.

_He isn’t coming back._

Peter breaks down completely. Sobs choke through his body, and he can barely find the air to breathe. He doesn’t even hear the bell as it summons his classmates back inside. He just keeps trembling against the cold wall needing to let go of all the hurt he’s experienced today.

The schoolyard is now empty, but Peter can’t find the will to pull himself from the wall. The young boy who’s usually cheery beyond belief is now spiraling into a pit of self-hatred as the last three months of stress crash upon his shoulders. It’s too much for him to handle.

_If he loves you, why did he leave you?_

“Are you okay? Recess is over. Why are you sitting here all alone?”

Peter looks up to see the principal, who was also in charge of watching the children during recess. He’s surprised to see everyone already gone, that all the students have already gone to class with little concern for his well being. He should have expected as much.

“Have you been crying all recess? Are you okay?”

Peter wipes his face on his sleeve and tries to blink the sadness from his eyes, but it’s already too late. The tears have already stained his face, his pale skin red from lack of oxygen and his eyes sore. He can still barely breathe, but he’s starting to even out a bit now that he has to focus his attention in front of him.

The woman crouches down to get on his level. He doesn’t know her - he’s never been sent to the office a day in his life - but she seems kind enough. She reminds him a bit of his Auntie Tasha, but she doesn’t have the same playful glint in her eyes as the nanny.

She hands him a tissue she pulls from her pocket, and he tries to wipe the tears from his face before returning to class. He’s probably going to be in enough trouble already for being late, but he doesn’t want to go back to class with snot dripping down his face. He can’t give the kids any more reasons to pick on him.

“Can you tell me your name?”

“Peter Stark,” he chokes out. He’s feeling a bit more level headed now, but he doesn’t want to talk too much with his throat so sore. He’s afraid he’ll start crying again if he speaks too much.

A flash of realization dances across the woman’s face. It all makes sense now. The teachers have had enough discussions in the privacy of the teacher’s lounge to know the difficulties in this child’s life. They’ve seen the tabloids of his missing father. He’s been going through so much these last few months.

They’ve been warned by his mother to watch for anything like this. They’ve been told he can come home at any time and take a day off school, to be surrounded by his loved ones, instead of the harsh realities of his situation. He’s young, and despite how strong the little boy’s been acting, something like this was bound to happen. They’d all expected something like this to happen, no matter how strong the boy’s been acting.

The principal's heart skips a beat for the boy in front of her. She can barely imagine what he’s going through, let alone at such a vulnerable young age. She feels a need to protect him. She has to help him and take care of him.

She reaches out her hand to pull Peter off the cold ground. She can’t help but notice that despite his zip-up hoodie and the warm weather surrounding them, the boy trembles deeply with freezing cold shivers. All the heat has been sucked from his little body.

“Come on Peter. I think it would be for the best if you head home for the day.”

“I’m sorry,” he says in response as they head inside and start walking towards the office. Peter is watching the ground with his head held low in shame. The guilt still rushes through his system from all of today’s failings.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Peter. I just think you need to go home and rest a bit. I wish I could take a nap in the middle of the day,” she says with her kindest tone and a deep laugh.

Once in the office, the woman sits Peter on a couch meant for children who are ordinarily sick and wraps a blanket around him tightly to warm him up. She hands him a small chocolate bar from her desk in an attempt to raise his spirits and blood sugar, but he just holds it in his hands as he blinks wearily. He doesn’t feel like eating right now.

“You stay here for a few minutes. I’m going to call your parents to come to pick you up.”

“You have to call my mom. My dad’s out of town,” he mumbles.

She just nods her head. She knows what really happened to Tony Stark, but she won’t be the one to inform him of the danger his father’s truly in. It isn’t her place. She knows Pepper wishes to keep the danger a secret so that Peter doesn’t have to worry.

She takes a few steps away and enters her office, but keeps an eye on the boy through her doorway. She quickly pulls up the numbers from his file on her computer.

There are three numbers loaded on the screen, though she knows the emergency contact of Tony Stark isn’t worth trying with him missing. It’s not like they’ve ever used that number before anyways. It’s only there for complete emergencies, as Peter’s mother is the one most involved with the school and does most of the work raising Peter.

She dials the number for Pepper Potts and frowns when it rings a few times before going to voicemail. She rings again, but just can’t seem to get anyone to pick up. This has never happened before with Peter, but it must just be a result of Pepper’s new role in the company. She leaves a quick voicemail before continuing down the list.

The next number is Natasha Rushman, listed with the relation of the nanny. The vice principal doesn’t know the woman very well, but she’s aware that Natasha drops Peter off at school most days before she spends the day helping the Stark household. The school is informed that they can trust the nanny to pick Peter up from school at any time.

She dials the number but is perplexed again when the number goes straight to voicemail. With a troubled sigh, she leaves a voicemail urging them to call her back as soon as possible and how Peter could really use the support of his family right now. It doesn’t feel right for her to leave the boy without any support system in such a sorrow filled moment of his life.

She heads back into the main room of the office and kneels next to Peter.

“I tried calling your family, but I couldn’t get a hold of anyone. They’re probably just busy with something right now. School ends in an hour, so I’m sure someone will be here soon anyway. Until then, why don’t you just take a nap on the couch? Doesn’t that sound nice?”

Peter doesn’t want to go to sleep, despite the tiredness that is weighing him down but agrees anyway. He doesn’t want to disobey the principle when he’s already caused so much trouble. He can’t help but linger on the rocks he threw at the other kids when he became upset, or the way he missed his cue to go inside after recess.

He pulls himself onto the couch and lays with his head on a small pillow. The principle takes a few moments to tuck him in and then stands up. She takes the melted candy bar from his hand and sets it on the table in front of him.

“I’ll just be over in my office working on some paperwork. If you need anything, and I mean anything at all, I need you to promise you’ll come find me. It’s no problem at all.”

The boy nods and she smiles at him one more time before she heads back in, hoping his parents will call back soon. She can only keep a close eye on him in the meantime.

Peter nuzzles his head into the scratchy fabric of the pillow, but can’t get himself to relax enough. He’s as tired as can be, but he’s still really fidgety from earlier, and forbidden thoughts keep flashing through his mind. He knows he shouldn’t believe anything Flash said to him, that he’s just a bully, but everything said to him did seem to match up with his current situation. He can’t help but wonder if Flash was right and if all those horrible things are real.

He can’t help but wonder if his dad really does leave them. Does his dad love any of their little family, or is Peter really just as stupid as Flash believes he is.

He did fail that test. Despite studying and being sure of his answers, he wasn’t as smart as his dad thought he was. And he forgot his lunch when it was his one responsibility this morning. His dad would surely expect more from him.

His stomach grumbles in protest and Peter rolls over on the small couch, tucking his face against the back end to shield out the lights of the room around him. His fingers squeeze into a tight ball as he tries to drain the sounds of bustling school from his mind. Even typing from computers seems like too much right now.

His heart begins racing as a few teardrops fall from the corner of his eyes once more. He lets them soak onto the couch before he starts concentrating on his breathing. He doesn’t want anyone coming over to check on him if he starts choking again. He doesn’t want to seem weak to the woman who was so kind to him.

He closes his eyes as his heart rate starts to fall again. With the adrenaline draining from his system for the second time in the last hour, Peter can feel the exhaustion of sleep pulling over him. He can’t fight his tiredness even longer, even if he still feels like crap.

He lets his body doze off.

* * *

 

Peter doesn’t dream. He sleeps lightly, enough that he can still hear the bustle of the office around him. His body is too stressed to bring him pictures to make him feel better, too hungry to do anything but heal from his earlier breakdown. Even the comfort of his the mystery woman evades him today.

“Buddy, are you feeling any better?”

The voice is husky and rough, nothing like he’s heard in a long time, but it pulls him from his dreamless sleep. It reaches right through his thick fog of sleep and pulls right into his heartstrings. This person is important. This is someone Peter loves so very much.

“Maybe we should just let him sleep. I found him sobbing in the middle of the schoolyard crying. He probably needs to rest,” he can hear the principle saying.

“I’ve waited three months to see my son. I can’t wait any longer,” the man says urgently. There’s desperation in his voice that gathers in Peter’s heart as guilt.

_Son? Why would this man call Peter his son?_

_Unless..._

“Dad!”

Peter shouts as he throws the blanket off of him and stands a little too quickly, wobbling a bit to balance himself. He’s instantly awake, unable to handle the flood of excitement that rushes through him. His dad’s come back for him.

“That’s right. I’m right here, bud. I’m home.”

Peter throws himself straight into his father’s arms. He holds on tightly, unnoticing of the chunk of metal being held firmly against him or the cuts that litter Tony’s face. All the boy can feel is his father’s strong warm skin against his body and heartbeat against his ears. He feels small as trembles of excitement shake through him, and he has to hold his eyes closed to keep himself from crying anymore.

“You came back,” he whispers into his father’s shoulder. The man squeezes him strongly in response. Peter relishes himself into his father’s hold.

“I’m so sorry. I never meant to be away for so long. I wanted to come home every day. I promise. I’ll never ever leave you like that again.”

He takes a moment to peak over his dad’s shoulder and check on his mom. She smiles the most enormous grin he’s seen in months and can’t help but smile and laugh in return as all the hurt slowly drains from his system.

Peter shakes in his dad’s arms for the third time that day, but this time it from all the happiness flooding his system. He knew that his dad loved him, even if he never dared to say those specific words, but it feels so good to be close to him again.

He’s safe, surrounded by the people who love him most. His father, his mother, and his Auntie Tasha. Everything is going to turn out okay now.

His family is whole again, and he couldn’t be happier.


	6. Ironman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some quick update notes.
> 
> All blind related tags have been removed from this story. It will still happen, but in the sequel to this story, since I've decided to round this story off at 10 chapters that explore Peter's early family life. His blindness will come later on when he has his powers. <3

 

 

To say Peter is feeling a lot better today is an understatement.

The reunion with his father is exactly what he needs to start feeling better. He needed to see his father safe and sound after so many months of mystery and pain. Not only for his own sake but the sake of his mother. As sad as he was, there was a longing sadness inside the little boy from seeing his mother in so much pain. She was mostly busy during the day, but he often found himself crawling into her bed at night when he hears her sobbing through the walls.

Things just weren't the same in the Stark household with the inventor gone - not for Peter and definitely not for Pepper. There are fewer jokes and funny snipes from his mother. The fancy-free attitude is replaced with an air of sadness and dread. Even though Peter never knows the extent of his father's near-death experience, he still could feel that something wasn't right from his mom's vibes alone. Despite Pepper's best efforts, each day around his mother drains the little boy's internal batteries, leaving him more and more broken.

Peter wants to be a happy boy. That's already who he is most of the time - it's never something he has to force. It's just something that comes naturally to him. But everyone has their limit on what they can handle in such a short time, especially when surrounded by the negative auras of a grieving family. Peter was just reaching his final breaking point when his dad picks him up from the office that day.

Not that Pepper ever meant to hurt her special little boy. She just had a lot going on, and so much to worry about.

Sometimes, when Peter has a rough time, he's lucky enough to receive visits from his birth mother in his dreams. The boy isn't sure who the woman is, but there's something about her calmness that leaves him feeling less sad, even if he's always virtually exhausted the next day. There are promises of love and apologies unspoken between them. They are heavy in the empty space in his heart.

It has to be enough because Peter will never feel her touch in real life - never meet her or feel the love she shares for her son. He has nothing left of the Parker life he once lived - no reminder of the legacy before him. Something Pepper thinks about often since they aren't technically related - not a bit related in blood. He deserves to know his culture and family tree on both sides.

Pepper also worries for the day she'll have to reveal their relationship - to admit that she really isn't his mother. She can love him in her entirety for the rest of her live, and still, there may be a day where that isn't enough for Peter, where he decides to stop calling her mom and start calling her Miss Pepper instead.

Not that is matters. Peter Stark will forever be  _her_ boy. Her son. She will never give that up.

The trio even looks like a real family as they lounge around the large dining room table in the early morning light. There's a large stack of chocolate chip pancakes - baked by Pepper, of course - in the center with all kinds of fixings spread for the family. It's meant to celebrate the reunion of their little family, something special for each of their tastes. Pepper can't help but spoil her family after everything they've been through.

Tony Stark sits at the head of the table with a coffee in his right hand. It's the first coffee he's had since his return, and it reminds him of the reason he hired Pepper as his secretary in the first place. Her coffee is killer - one of the best cups of joe in all of New York. He sips greedily at the hot black liquid. And when it burns the inside of his mouth and throat, Tony doesn't mind - it's nothing compared to the pain he's experiencing right now. Nothing to the pain he's experienced all the time he's been away.

Time heals many wounds. Returning has already started to fix the pain in his mind and the scars ripped through his chest. He highly regrets spending so much time away from his son before his kidnapping, and is determined to do better now. He has to be a proper dad. He needs to be better for his family.

Pepper sits to the right of Tony, close enough that she can refill her family's plates on a moment's notice. She's doing her best to keep it together since she hasn't had a chance to sleep in forty-eight hours with everything going on. There are still so many emotions swirling inside the woman, confessions that she's becoming less sure of with each passing second. She wants to scream and cry and get everything neatly laid out and sorted, yet there are more important things right now. Peter and Stark Industries have to take priority.

So instead, she focuses her energy on the little boy sitting across from her.

Peter is munching messily on another stack of pancakes - his second pancake breakfast in two days time - as he swings his legs happily underneath the large table. His mom can feel the movements as he moves around, the way her little boy can't stand still when this overjoyed. Pepper can't help but smile to see her boy feeling better.

"Why don't you tell your daddy about how we built bears. I think he'd enjoy that."

"I built a dog. Not a b... bear. But your robots are c... cooler," the young boy mumbles into his fork. There's the tiniest bit of blush dancing on his cheeks as he answers. He's clearly embarrassed to mention the creation of his dog plushie when his dad creates things that are so much more amazing like robots and state of the art cell phones.

"Don't say that, buddy. I want to hear all about it. How does one build a bear?"

"Y... you don't really build it like you do. There's a skin, and you choose a heart, and make a wish, and put it in the skin." Peter's a little bit shy at first when he talks, but as he continues, he can't help but notice how intently his father is listening, and it gives the boy the boost of confidence he needs to keep going. His father's pride and smile do a lot towards healing any worry that's left inside. "And then they stuff it, but the stuffing machine was super cool. She powered it with a petal and the fluff just swirled around and around. Like clouds!"

"They stuff an empty animal skin? That sounds... very terrifying. You let him do this Pepper?"

Peter and his mom break out into the laughter. Tony's face is just too priceless. They can't tell if he's joking or being serious, but they're both just happy to be entertained by him once again. The house was definitely too quiet without him here making jokes and silly faces.

"They aren't real skins," his mother explains. "Just doll skins. I guess skin is a weird word for it."

"I can show you my puppy after breakfast. His name is Cuddles because he loves to cuddle. He also loves to roller skate and helps me with my legos."

"And I can show you the video later, Tony. They made him do this little dance when he made the bear. It's the cutest thing I've ever witnessed," Pepper whispers into Tony's ear.

"That sounds great, Peter. I'd love to meet Cuddles. Although I'm a little curious how he puts together legos with paws? He must be a very talented toy."

* * *

The Starks settle in the living room after breakfast.

The parents decide to remove Peter from school over the next few days in the hopes of cheering him up. The boy won't miss much at his grade level since everything's pretty easy. All the teachers and senior staff seem to agree that he needs time to heal, so it wasn't too difficult to get the absences excused. The most important thing right now is that they repair their broken family.

Pepper and Tony are sharing the large sofa as Peter plays on the floor with Cuddles. There's a good amount of space between them as they sit on opposite sides, but there's a sense of security surrounding them. They've missed being so close, and there's something clearly going on between them, but neither has the time or energy to figure it out right now.

Despite Peter's description of the plush toy and it's amazing abilities, Tony is quite shocked to see that the plushie actually can roller skate. He thought it was just a make-believe game the boy had invented, but the father is impressed in the clever tactic that his son has figured out to make it move. It reminds the dad of his early inventor days, before he was allowed to have access to the tools he needed, and right before he started getting degraded for playing with his toys.

"Did someone at the store show him that?" he whispers in Pepper's ear when his son is distracted.

She shakes her head proudly as she replies. "Nope. He figured it out all on his own."

Even though Tony's face still aches from the cuts that paint his forehead, there's a proud smirk that slowly appears. He's becoming proud of the ideas that are coming from his boy, even though he's partly ashamed for never being proud of him before - never recognizing the eager intelligence his boy exudes. Tony was too scared to get hurt - he had never noticed the similarities they share.

The small ride of happiness doesn't last long. There's still a painful fog filled deep within Tony, but all he can do is try to live in the current moment, to enjoy the company of his boy.

"Can we put on some cartoons, mommy?" Peter boy asks from his spot on the floor.

"Of course we can. Whatever you want," the mom says as she grabs the remote and turns on the television. She's about to change the channel when Tony puts his hand on her leg. It throws her into an air of confusion for a few seconds, until she realizes he's asking her to leave the channel alone. This program is important to him.

The channel currently playing is Fox News, which Tony normally wouldn't normally give two shits for, but his previous press conference is being discussed. He's a bit curious.

Tony watches the exhaustion in his own eyes as he sits slides to the floor, encouraging the press around him to do the same. It's barely different from what his son is doing right now, watching the television with an expression of awe. He's never seen his father on the television before.

There's a deafening silence as everyone in the room as everyone watches will their full attention. The man on the screen, though confident and sure of himself on the outside, is clearly in a lot of pain. There's clearly so much on his mind, worries that go far beyond the facial cuts and the uneven beating of his heart. This man, no matter how happy to be home with his family, has been broken by his circumstances.

The man on screen is a stranger, even though Tony is technically the same person, only now surrounded by his family. There's a disconnect that Tony can't escape, because when he watches the man on television talk so flawlessly, he's reminded of his past personas - the man that invented in weapons and killed hundreds of thousands of people. This man is a killer.

The man on the couch doesn't want to be a killer - the Merchant of Death that he's always been defined by. He wants to do better for his family, and by extension, the world around him. He wants to build a legacy that his son can be proud of. Unlike the mess that his own father left him. He wants to help people. He wants to be a hero.

_"I had my eyes opened. I came to realized that I have more to offer this world than just making things that blow up."_

_"And that is why, effective immediately, I am shutting down the weapons manufacturing division of Stark International until suck a time as I can decide what the future of the company will be."_

Pepper squeezes Tony's hand in support when she can see him seizing up on the couch, the beginnings of a panic attack setting behind his tired eyes. Their son may not yet understand the consequences of his father's actions, but Pepper does, and she will do all the can to fix their little broken family.

Just like Stark Industries, with the proper care and support, the family can rebuild from nothing. Together they can become whole again.

"Cartoons now?"

"Of course, buddy. Anything you want."

* * *

"You didn't even want the nanny. I don't see why this is such an issue."

The problem is that Tony doesn't understand. He'd fought time and time again for them to hire a nanny to care for the boy, but Pepper had dug her heels in every time, refusing to let Peter be raised by the help when she was a more than capable mother. She didn't need any outside influences telling her boy what was right and wrong. That's something only the boy's parents should be teaching him.

It was only once Tony was stuck away from home, rotting in a cave in a war-torn country, and that Pepper had resumed temporary responsibility for Stark Industries, that she'd finally given in. The man knows how difficult the decision must have been for her, considering how many times they were on the opposite side of the argument, which is one of the reasons he was so ready to dismiss the nanny. They didn't need her now that Tony had returned to the tower.

And Tony admits that Pepper was right about the nanny idea all along. The nannies that had raised Tony had been great - he had the utmost respect for them - but they weren't really his family. He had spent his entire childhood longing for his mother's attention. His mom had always been too distracted being the proper wife, even when she did love her son. She just had so many things going on when it came to Howard Stark. There was always something better or more important than Tony.

And yet Tony had been doing that to his own son - he had been advocating hiring someone else to raise the boy. It took Tony a single day in the disheveled cave, being held against his own free will, to realize what he had been missing out all along. The walls he'd put up weren't keeping anyone safe. Not Tony. Not his family. They were only further ripping them apart.

"Because now Peter is attached to her. He calls her Auntie Tasha. They spend all their time together. We can't just rip them apart."

"But he isn't his Aunt. She isn't related to any of us. She isn't his true family."

"No. You're wrong. That's what I'm trying to explain. It isn't that simple. She's part of his family now, even if they aren't related.

"But not for real. They aren't really family."

"Is that really what you think? That you have to be blood-related to be part of a family? I thought that wasn't the kind of thing we were trying to teach Peter."

The argument is becoming personal now with such toxic words being exchanged. Tony can see the within the fire that is Pepper's eyes. He's struck a core within the woman with the things he's said, with the things he's accidentally implied. And even if he knows it could have phrased it better, it's too late now. He feels really shitty for the implications he's thrown on her.

A part of Tony debates backpedaling in his arguments, taking the time to apologize to Pepper so that they can both take a few moments to calm down. But he isn't willing to step down. Tony can't do so when he's so determined to do what's right for Peter. And Pepper can't back down with so much pain growing within her heart.

"You know I didn't mean you. You know the argument was about the nanny. We're talking about the nanny. Don't make this personal."

"Her name is Natasha. Not the nanny. Not her. I know how hard it can be for you to remember the help's names, though."

Pepper isn't screaming, but there's a spiteful tone in her voice that can't be ignored. It's like venom, words spiting from her mouth like the venom of a cobra. This is no longer an argument between two civilized human beings, but a full fighting match between two broken parents. This is personal.

"But I should have known all along that you only see me as the help. I'm just here to raise Peter, right? I don't actually have any rights over him. I never have."

Guilt builds deep inside the man. Despite the tears forming in the woman's eyes from his words, there's a solid truth to the things she's saying. He's never given Pepper any rights to the boy on paper. She can't make medical decisions without Tony's permission, can't get on Peter's contact form without his go-ahead, can't travel outside the county with him. There's always an anxiety within her about losing her son. At any moment, Tony could rip his son away from her, or throw him back into the foster system he nearly entered, and Pepper would have no choice in the matter.

Tony was never a good dad, even if he wants to change that fact now. But Pepper was always the perfect mom for Peter from day one. She deserves to be his mother.

The man can't change the past. He can't change the legal guardianship of his son in this very moment, not when they're in the middle of a heated argument. It will have to be something Tony deals with later when the nanny has been appropriately let go. It would only be nonproductive to dwell on Pepper's feelings right now.

Because there's a more pressing matter at hand for Tony Stark. Despite the closer of the weapons division at Stark Industries, Tony's invented one of the most dangerous weapons to date. It sits in his workshop at the moment - a proper passion project that he's worked on every single night since his return. Something he has hidden not only from the world around him, but from Pepper too.

Such a weapon can't be let into the hands of anyone but himself. It's only there to protect Tony from the horrors he's experienced, but to an extension, defend his family from possible kidnappings and torture he's experienced. He can't be sure if they will be the next target and the threat looms over Tony, alongside all the pain and panic he's still experiencing.

The nanny is not only unnecessary now, but she's also unknown and untrustworthy. She's a danger to Tony, and therefore, a danger to Peter and Pepper by extension. She's a nameless person with access to technology beyond the majority of the population, with a weaponized suit in her grasp. There's too much danger if she's kept around.

"I'm sorry, Pepper. The decision has been made without you. We are letting her go. And I would appreciate it if you let me make the big decisions for Peter. He is my son, after all."

Pepper shakes her head solemnly. The argument is barely about the nanny anymore, but she can't find the will to fight him. Not without saying something she'll truly regret, or risk losing access to her son.

She doesn't appreciate how Tony's making decisions for Peter like this and the things he's implying, but there's nothing she can really do or say to change his mind. She's worried to push the man over the edge, and only bites her tongue because there's nothing in the world that's worth saying when her relationship with her son is at risk. She would never risk losing Peter.

It isn't fair to her. Tony knows that. But he also knows how unfair life can be at times.

* * *

"I don't think I understand. Did I do something wrong?"

Natasha's mind is swirling. She truly doesn't understand, not with how much Peter was coming to rely on her. Not with the love that swirled in the boy's eyes whenever he saw her.

She expected her hours would be reduced with Tony's return. That was bound to happen with the two parents home, even if Tony was returning as the CEO of Stark Industries and would still be moderately busy. Even with Pepper returning as a full-time mother, the nanny was sure that she could receive some shifts when they needed date night or a babysitter. There are always times that parents could use the extra help for babysitting or cleaning.

_Unless? That couldn't be possible? Could it? Could they have somehow figured it out?_

Natasha wonders the possibilities of her spy background and the mission she's currently on. The fact that she's not supposed to be growing attached to the has become a problem the last few months since that was never her mission, to begin with. As valuable as a close connection to this family can be, that's not why she's really here. A position of power with Pepper Potts and Peter Stark is valuable for manipulation purposes, but her actual mission is to retrieve hidden documents and company secrets for her agency.

"You didn't do anything wrong," Pepper assures from across the table. The spy can't help but notice the rim of tears growing in her eyes, the way the words create pain inside, and Natasha quickly deduces that this decision was never hers. It's Peter's father behind this heartbreaking termination. "We just don't require your services any longer, with Tony and I both around to take care of Peter. We'd be happy to find you another position within Stark Industries, or give you a glowing recommendation if you wish to pursue other ventures Tony has many connections that could likely get you in wherever you wish."

Natasha shouldn't be so ripped up by the decision. She was here for a mission. She wasn't here for social connections or companionship.

And yet, something is growing inside her from the time she's spends alongside Peter. From the second she looks into those large brown doe-like eyes, she finds herself giving in to all of his wishes and desires. There's something about helping the little man that makes her heart melt each time. It makes her feel soft inside. She appreciates the feeling of assisting Peter and Pepper, instead of manipulating people to get what she wants. She begins to wonder if she can be more than the training that's ingrained in her mind.

There's something golden growing inside her heart from helping this family become greater. There's even a part of her that considered herself part of the broken little family.

"What about Peter? Aren't you worried that this will upset him? We've spent nearly every single day together since your absence."

"Peter has me now. His real family, his blood family," the man states matter of factually. There's a small flinch beside him in the form of Pepper, clearly upset by his words, but holding herself back for some reason Natasha can't yet grasp. She knows of the family's odd relations. She can feel how rude his words truly are. She can sense the tension in the room.

"And Pepper too," he quickly adds, when he notices the way Pepper is curling in on herself mentally, as well as the gaping look from the nanny. The women are eyeing each other across the space of the small table, challenging each other to do something, say something against the tyrant of a father. But neither dare to speak.

Natasha bows her head. She must have been wrong to think of herself as Peter's actual Aunt, an actual part of the family. She knows she was probably just being too soft, something that she was taught from day one to avoid. It goes against every bit of her training to be loving and kind for non-manipulative purposes.

The spy only has herself to blame for the pain in her chest.

"I'm prepared to give you a few years full salary and full-time benefits if you would like to take some time off instead. Pepper and I are really appreciative for the effort you've put forward. We just think that it's best now for Peter to readjust to his life before. We want him to return to a life of full normalcy - at least as much as possible for a Stark like him."

This is probably for the better. She tries to ground herself and stay focused on the mission at hand, even when all she can feel is her broken heart. The spy has a job to do, and she has to admit to herself, she wasn't getting very far with her constantly trailing behind the kid. The little boy, as well as the constant tea times and conversations with Pepper, are a continual distraction from her mission. Now Natasha can put her full focus on the project once more.

That doesn't stop her heart from hurting, though. Not one little bit.

"I would love to stay at Stark Industries," she lies through her teeth, trying her best to seem as natural as ever. "I'll keep an eye on the openings over the next few days. Thank you so much for the opportunity."

Pepper stares at her hands. They're neatly folded at the table, probably to keep them from trembling, something of which Tony clearly hasn't caught on to. Or maybe he has noticed, and it's possible that he just doesn't care for Pepper the way Natasha thought. Pepper's late-night sobbing always seemed to tell the spy otherwise. It seemed like they were nearly a couple, but as a single tear trails down Pepper's face and is quickly wiped, she finds herself disgusted and disappointed by the man in front of her.

"Can I at least say goodbye? To Peter?"

It's clear that Tony is about to say no, but Pepper puts her hand in front of him instead. The movement surprises him since she's been quiet and obedient the entire conversation. It gives her a few seconds to get her own words in as he throws her an annoyed look. "Of course you can say goodbye to him. You deserve that."

"I don't think that's best. It's better to just rip the band-aid off, so to speak."

"All respect due, Mr. Stark. When you were gone, he had no clue what was going on. And each day that you were gone, I watched the innocence and joy drain from Peter's eyes, until the day he finally broke down at school. He didn't know what was happening, or if you were ever coming back. He didn't know why you were gone. He spent every day wondering if it was something he did. He developed a stutter, and became sick all the time, and barely would eat a bite of food towards the end."

"I just... I don't want him to feel that way so soon. I know you had no choice in what happened, but I do. I can't do that to him. Not on purpose."

Tears are rimming her eyes. She's sharing the same sentiment as Pepper, the same drive to never hurt the little boy ever again. Not after all they've been through together. Not after everything she's seen in the father's absence. Peter deserves better than this. He deserves better than what this man is giving him in this moment.

"It would be what's best for him. He did go through quite a lot," Pepper says gently. It's the quietest the spy has ever seen the woman talk, which makes Natasha highly suspicious of the man's behavior. There's a few thoughts about him hurting her, or threatening the woman. Natasha's come to accept as a close friend over the last months and is tempted to say something in Pepper's defense, but she bites her tongue. She can always deal with Tony later. She has that power.

"I guess that's fair. Just don't make us look bad. He deserves to have a happy family now."

Natasha wants to fight back, to tell Tony about how he's the only one damaging Peter, but she holds her tongue. She's getting the chance to say goodbye to Peter, which is the most important thing right now. It's the best thing for the boy and her breaking heart. This is better than nothing.

One quick goodbye, and then she can get back to her mission.

* * *

There's a painful air of anxiety in the house that can't be avoided.

Tony sits on the couch, close enough to listen in on the coming farewells, ready to step in at a moments notice. It's as if he doesn't wholly trust the nanny, despite all the months of childcare under her belt from the last quarter of a year, and is ready to kick her out any second despite his permission for a quick goodbye. There's a pain on his brows and twitch in his knuckles as he strums the side of the couch, thinking deeply to himself. Natasha can barely believe that this is the man that Pepper fell in love with.

Natasha can't help but laugh. The father does have a point. She did come to the Stark household with an ulterior motive and a mission to steal protected documents, but even she has to admit that the mission has barely crossed her mind until her termination yesterday. She had been faltering on her loyalty to SHIELD ever since coming here, her desire to contribute to a happy family and growing boy stronger than any training could have ever created. Maybe it's the fact she can't have children of her own, but she's really grown to consider Peter as a nephew. And now she's being forced to leave.

Pepper stands close to the spy, holding fidgeting with her arms in a worrying stance. It isn't the Pepper that the spy has grown to know. Something much crueler is going on within these walls, and it's causing a voice to scream in the back of Natasha's mind - she needs to do something to make this okay, even if she will be working somewhere else in the tower soon. She needs to help the mom.

"Is everything okay?" she whispers out of the man's hearing range.

"I'm sorry for this," Pepper whispers quickly in reply. It doesn't answer the question, which only happens to worry Natasha further.

"You have my number. You'll call or text if you need anything, right? You can at any time. I will pick up."

Pepper nods in reply. Natasha can only hope - and pray - that Pepper truly believes it. She needs them to be safe.

They approach the dining room together. Peter's currently putting together a Lego set alongside his dog plushie. There's a tired weariness behind the boy's eyes, but he finally seems to be healing with this father home. It sends a small shiver of hope into the spy's soul to see him getting better. Hopefully, her departure won't damage him any more than it has to.

"Peter, honey. We have to talk for a few minutes. Do you mind taking a break?"

"Of course mommy," the boy says, pushing his current build aside. He looks up at the two women with his large chestnut eyes and Natasha's heart nearly breaks, if there was anything left to break. She feels the pain of horrible for the words she's about to speak more than anyone. The trust he has in her is complete and unbreakable, yet she's about to smash it into a bunch of tiny bite-sized pieces.

"I've really enjoyed spending so much time with you over the last while, Peter. You're such an amazing boy. So talented and smart. I know you're having a rough patch in school right now, but these things will settle over time and get better. Times are just really tough sometimes. You know?"

Peter nods hesitantly. It's clear he's had some worries in himself the last few weeks. Natasha's noticed his confidence has been lacking and she can't stand to break it anymore by leaving.

"We wanted to talk to you about something else, though. Something a bit more difficult to say."

"You know Natasha isn't actually your Auntie. Right, Peter? She's actually your nanny. It's her job to look after you."

"I know, but I call her Auntie because she loves me, and takes care of me. And I love her too. You said it was okay."

"I know baby," Pepper replies softly. "You didn't do anything wrong. It's just that nanny's don't work with their families forever. Since daddy is home, and I'm here to take care of you, we don't really need a nanny anymore. She has to go help another family now.."

Natasha can see the gears turning as the boy analyzes the words, carefully processing what his mom is saying. It's almost like he can't believe it. There was never a doubt in his mind that he would lose someone he's grown to love so much - a person he's completely shared his entire life with over the last few months.

"Auntie Tasha is leaving?" Peter whispers in shock.

"I'm sorry, Peter. I have other families that need me now. I've just came over to say goodbye. You'll give me a goodbye hug, right?"

He's frozen in his chair. He can barely process what's going on. There are too many stimuli with the burden of the words being forced upon him. And even though he knows he's sitting at the table with his mom and nanny, he feels like he's outside the conversation, listening in on a strange place. This is never something he would imagine could happen.

"Please?" Natasha whispers one last time. She just needs one solid goodbye to get through the next few days.

That word seems to snap Peter out of his haze. He speeds around the table and jumps into her lap, throwing his arms around the nanny. She wraps her arms around him too, holding him close as he nuzzles into her neck warmly. His hug is tight and comforting, and there's a part of Natasha that never wants to let go, but she knows she doesn't have a choice.

"Everything will be okay, baby spider. I promise," she coos as she rubs his back. Her touch is the most gentle it's ever been before.

"I don't want you to go," he barely babbles out as the tears start streaming down his face. He's already beginning to snot into her shirt as he holds her tightly and cries, but Natasha couldn't care less about the mess he's making. This is the sweetest little boy she's ever met. She loves this boy. More than anything in the world.

"Please don't go," he begs as Natasha begins to loosen her grip, letting their hug come to an end. Even though she wants to let go, and knows she doesn't really have a choice, there's a part of her that appreciates that the boy won't let her go. If Tony refuses to share the boy, and Pepper is unable to speak her opinion, at least Peter will fight for her.

But there's a sad part inside Natasha because his fighting is worth nothing. Peter is only a child, and he'll never get to decide whether the nanny stays or goes. Even if he loves her deeply, and would do anything to stick to her side, there's nothing he can do.

"Peter, baby. You have to let her go. She needs to go home now."

Natasha gives the boy one more solid squeeze before letting him go, but he just refuses to loosen his grip on the woman. He just sobs into the side of her, saying something she can barely understand as he chokes on his cries, and tightly holds her shirt inside his fists.

It's at this point that the screaming has become unbearable for Natasha's heart and she starts to wonder if this was the right decision. Peter deserved a goodbye. She's sure of that fact. It's definitely not right to abandon the boy with no knowledge of where she's gone, but it leaves her with anguish to see him like this. It hurts to see him crying so hard.

"Alright, Peter. Time to say goodbye," she hears as Tony enters the room. His posture is large and threatening as he stands next to Pepper, and the spy can't help but notice the way Pepper bows her head to block out whatever is going to happen. She's purposely standing down to his will.

Natasha can't help but glare at the glowing arch reactor on his chest as she rubs Peter's back. She knows there's a weaponized extension to his arc reactor that sits only a few floors below in his workshop. It can't hurt her from so far away, but there's a broken aura around the man that she can't trust to do something dangerous. She can't risk endangering the broken little family.

"NO!" The boy is shouting as he holds onto Natasha even tighter. He refuses to ever let her go. He isn't ready to say goodbye.

And then suddenly the boy is gone. She can feel her shirt tug one more time as Peter holds onto it with his death grip, but his firsts are forced away by Tony's large hands. He's being forced away against his will.

The spy can only watch in horror as Tony pulls Peter away from her body. She's seen many horrors before: men battling to the blood over squabbles, deadly methods of torture involving every liquid you could ever imagine, and even people bleeding to death on the floor from her weapons. She's killed and tortured so many people. But those were grown men and women.

Nothing, and Natasha is sure absolutely nothing, compares to the horror of her little Peter being ripped away from her by the man with the glowing chest. The boy is screaming as he flails around, desperate to grab onto any possible thing and get himself out of his father's grasp. There's a painful panic growing within the boy.

"I think you should go now," Tony says as he pulls Peter back towards his room by his wrist. The boy is screaming bloody murder now as he grabs at his wrist painfully, but Tony refuses to let him go while the nanny is still here.

Natasha wants to fight Tony and defend the little screaming boy. She wants to force Tony to the ground and hide Peter away at SHIELD headquarters where he will be safe alongside his mother. There's a need deep inside the spy to jam her elbow into the man's throat and show him who's alpha, but she knows she can't do that because it would jeopardize her mission.

Though the more she thinks about it, the less she cares about her mission. She only cares about helping Peter.

The best thing for Peter right now is to leave and let the boy cry it out. She doesn't know how Tony will react if she fights back - even though Natasha is sure she could kick his ass - or the possible threats that have been made against Pepper. She can't risk the safety of the boy or the mom in this moment, so she chooses to do nothing instead. There isn't anything she can possibly do.

The spy balls her fists as she gives Pepper a quick hug and leaves.

* * *

There are three nights of horrible bedtimes that follow that disgusting day.

Peter does not take the separation easily. It was usually his Auntie Tasha that tucks him into bed at night, singing the sunflower lullaby that he'd come to love so dearly. And the nanny knew how to tuck the blanket so that the boy felt like the most perfectly wrapped burrito, which was something he'd come to appreciate.

His mom just doesn't tuck him the same way. Not to say her blanket tucking skills are sub-par, but he just likes the silly way his nanny tucks him. Nothing seems right with her gone.

The boy goes the whole day like nothing is wrong, and once he's back in his empty bed, he loses the entirety of his happiness and becomes an empty shell of a boy. There's something about his bed that's just become a place of sorrow, no matter what his mother does to help. He can't go a single night without sobbing into his pillow with his Auntie Tasha gone.

Pepper's tried everything to help him: bedtime stories, bedtime movies to distract him, and even letting him fall asleep against his mother's side. Nothing works. The mom's heart only continues to break time and time again as she watches Peter fall asleep from the eventual exhaustion brought on by his tears. This isn't how anyone should be living.

With Peter finally asleep under the cover of his thick blankets and a reminder to set on JARVIS to keep him safe, Pepper gets onto the elevator with a command to Tony's lab.

She isn't what she is going to say. She's not even sure of how far she can push the conversation without angering Tony again, but she feels like she has to do something to help her son. She can't stand to watch him cry himself to sleep one more night. Maybe they can let the nanny back for a few times a week, ease Peter out of her slowly and safely.

The last thing she expects to see is Tony standing with his limbs spread out as robotic arms reach around him.

It only takes a few more moments for her to notice the circumstance of the room. There's broken shards of glass surrounding him, the entire glass wall of his lab broken around her heels. There's clearly been some sort of struggle in here, and she finds herself lost in a mess.

"Ow! Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah..."

"Well it is a tight fit sir," she can hear the robotic voice of JARVIS respond as he moves the arms, working to take off some sort of red plated armor. Tony's movements are only making the job harder. "Sir, the more you struggle, the more this is going to hurt."

"Be gentle. This is my first time," Tony jokes. No one finds it funny.

Pepper listens to them bicker and struggle a few more lines before she can't stand it anymore. The annoyance on her face is as clear as day as she stomps around to a more visible position.

"What's going on here?" she whispers.

"Let's face it... This is not the worst thing you've caught me doing."

She stares at the metallic armor a bit more closely. She can feel her stomach flipping in her chest as she notices the small dents that cover the majority of him, small scratches that rip off the red and gold paint of the suit. Someone's been shooting at Tony.

"Are those bullet holes?"

Pepper feels like she's going to puke. She's definitely not the biggest fan of Tony right now, but the thought of someone shooting at him with such ferocity makes her furious, especially with the little boy sleeping upstairs that so desperately needs both of his parents. What Tony's doing is so selfish and stupid. She can barely hear his words.

It was only a week ago that Pepper was mourning the loss of Tony - an enormous pain for the man she thought she loved. And despite his shortcomings since his return, she can't imagine a world without Tony Stark. Peter's already lost every other bit of his family. He shouldn't lose his father as well.

"I know it looks bad, but I can explain. It's a new version of the armor I created to escape the cave. With this, I'll be able to keep you safe. And Peter. I just need to keep Peter safe. You can understand that, right?"

Pepper doesn't know how to reply. She's so shocked by his actions, so unsure in the security he feels he's providing to the broken little family. "This is what you've been doing at night? Creating this superhero getup to save the world? Do you really think this was a good idea?"

The man hesitantly nods as he steps out of the armor and approaches her. It feels like a trap that he's purposely falling into, but at the same time, he's proud of the thing he's created. It's something tied to him, powered by the reactor of his own heart. This will keep his family safe.

"You can't be serious, Tony. Please tell me you're not serious."

"Peter needs to be protected. The one thing I've learned from my kidnapping is that no one can be trusted. Even with close friends around, you can never really know what will happen. I can't do that to Peter. I have to keep him safe."

Pepper is furious. The only thing Peter needs right now is a mother and father to support him and help him get through this impossibly hard time that Tony has created. All he needs is love and support. Not this stupid get up. Not this kind of attitude.

"He doesn't need a superhero, you moron. You were always his hero. What he needs right now is a father."

**Author's Note:**

> You can also follow me on tumblr too. My username is @slothbeans
> 
> If you like the story, please leave a review. It really helps me stay motivated, especially since this is a major undertaking for me. <3


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